An Authentic Life

I love this picture. While screaming Authentic Life, that woman looks terrible. I look like her in so many ways right now. I'm not sleeping well and quite frankly, those dark circles around her eyes are very accurate. Funny, but accurate.

An authentic life...being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. Living in simplicity because there is no facade. Staying true to what matters most.

For the last ten years, I have wanted to live an authentic life. When I turned forty, I was dealing with some really ugly things in my marriage. I was holding tight to my religious beliefs, but at the same time having a terrible time justifying the suffering that was going on....for the both of us.

I've never talked about why I ended my marriage except with my pastor at the time. Back then, his opinion mattered to me. In some ways, it still does but it is more as a friend than as an authority in my life these days.

When I turned forty, I spoke to him about ending my marriage and he told me that I had biblical grounds to do so. At 43, I finally did. It was brutal. My poor ex-husband spoke untruths to anyone who would listen. I kept my mouth shut. My pastor telling me not to speak out. I never did. He told me to walk in grace. I learned to do just that.

I knew that ending my marriage was something that needed to be done. And while he doesn't agree, I believe that in many ways it was something that needed to happen for my ex-husband too. He coped as best he could. Perhaps I should have defended myself, but I'm glad I didn't for so many reasons.

Since then, I've sought to learn who I am, what I need, what my bliss is....what exactly is my authentic life. A year ago, I was well on my way to BLISS.

I am at a baseline place tonight.

And still, I feel hope. So much hope. This whole year has been about being on the cusp of something new. I'm ready. The children are ready. It's exciting. An authentic life. It is happening now.