Bombshell BLISS

I'M BAAAAAAAK

2012-01-23T18:13:00.000-08:00

I miss blogging. There, I said it. Think I'll start again. I think I should tell the story of my co-workers and our night out drinking. Wait....we swore to keep our most embarassing stories a secret. HA! They don't know me very well yet.

A Note from Job Search Hell

2011-09-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

So here we are.... I've been unemployed two years as of August 28th, sent out over 1000 resumes, and have attended some form of over 100 interviews. I have but one thing to say....

While I have been able to support myself with my writing, unemployment, and the occasional throwing myself to the mercy of former CEO's I've worked for....I. WANT. A. JOB! My job. My desk. My tasks and duties. My pens. My computer.

I vacillate between BLISS and sheer panic. Learning to be ''in the moment'' has become a necessity and not just a lofty goal. Helpful hint: Chest pain from anxiety and chest pain from a heart attack are eerily similar. Learned that from a recent ER visit.

Yeah....forging ahead here. Let's look at a picture of kittens because....well....it calms us all down...right?...RIGHT?....RIGHT!!?!

What Do You Wish to Begin?

2011-06-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

Over at Jamie Ridler Studios, it's Wish Casting Wednesday. I love it because it forces me to stop and breath and think. I'm generally not good at any of those things. Think butterfly on crack.

Today's question is, "What Do You Wish to Begin".

How about....I don't know. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like things are right with the world. While there is still tension from outside forces beyond my control, my home is as it should be...peaceful. My children, happy...as it should be.

I sat around the house yesterday and just looked. Thinking, "What does the house need"? The answer was nothing really. All is at rest. This past two years has been appallingly difficult and yet God and his great big Universe have provided....in abundance.

I suppose I would like to begin a job. Yeah. Let's do that. I'm tired of "pulling it together" every month to make ends meet. I'm an "earn my paycheck so that my brain power can go to playing and creating on the weekend" kind of gal. Yeah....that's what I need to begin.

Come join us.... http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/.

Note to Self: Read Directions First!

2011-06-07T17:29:00.000-07:00

So the other day....

In my need to feel relaxed....

I decided to give myself a facial.....

I used some new stuff....

After putting it on, I read the directions....

"For Men Only" it said....

How would this stuff know that I'm not a man I pondered....

My skin started to burn....

Yeah....apparently it knew cause it took almost two days for my skin to simmer down....

And yes, my kids thought it was hysterical.

I'm Almost FREE

2011-06-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

Some of you have been following me since I started blogging in 2007. I orginally started so I would have an outlet to process what had happened to me in my personal relationships. I needed a way to vent healing from narcissistic relationships and a place where I could work though my family of orgin issues.

After I had moved on, blogging became a fun way to just "be". I'd made friends with so many of you. It just made sense to keep going.

Two years ago, I was let go from my job that I loved. My boss let me go to make room for an "old friend". I'd been told stories about her, but my general reaction was always whatever. Until my boss told me one Thursday how valuable I was to the company in answer to the question, "Is my job at risk". He emphasized that my job was secure.

It was shocking that the VERY NEXT DAY, he laid me off with the explaination that he wasn't ready to deal with it the day before.

Would have been ok if I hadn't had a job offer the day before that I'd let go of because of his answer. Ahem.

That boss is still steamed that I blogged even though the only time I ever blogged about my job was to say how much I loved my job and I never once mentioned his company name.

Even so, I received papers stating that I couldn't formally blog for two years. Time is almost up.

I did the right thing. I loved my job. I loved the company I worked for even though it was a tough place to work. And still it bit me in the butt.

I haven't blogged in a long time. Boy...do I have a lot to say.

Flash Mob Friday Peeps! Enjoy!

2011-05-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

I'm So Ready for the Zombies

2011-05-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

Well Mother's Day has come and gone. This one was particularily delightful because my oldest son and my daughter-in-love are finally home from Germany with my new grandbaby. I swear that kid's cheeks are going to get kissed off any minute now.

A little history....

I've always been the peace type parent. It made me uncomfortable for my children to play with guns much less having one in the house. Amazingly enough they could always make a gun out of anything....my oldest made one out of a tampon when he was three.

The kid grew up to be a wonderful man and to have a career in the military. I suppose it's all good.

So this Mother's Day, I did something out of the ordinary even for me.

Yeah that last picture is me.....with a zombie. I had a great time and have once again realized....I am so weird.

Simple Things Are the Best

2011-03-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes....when all hell is breaking loose all over the world.... sometimes.... it's important to just reflect and ponder.... Watching my children delight in reaching their goals...

Enjoying a seasonal something special....

Simply praying for Japan.... because each person there lost their simple lives in a moment.

Beauty of the Storm

2011-03-04T12:01:00.000-08:00

I love this picture. It's been one of my favorites for years. I wish I could give credit to the artist. I would buy everything I could get my hands on.

I love this picture because she is moving towards the new day. The storm is coming to an end. And yet, she is still being whipped by the wind and the debris is still a flurry. Is she looking back with regret? With sadness? With a sense of accomplishment?
I feel that I am facing the new day and yet I'm still dealing with the debris. I still look back. With all sadness as well as accomplishment. I see the new day dawning. I see the storm leaving.

I'm tired. Not sure how else to describe it.

I'm a Ninja!...or Having a Mid-Life Crisis.

2011-02-19T16:14:00.000-08:00

Seriously....I'm not sure which, but I'm just so darn happy. I'm happy to still be alive. Cancer will do that to you. Happy to have well-adjusted children. Who should have many more problems than they do. Happy to be at peace with myself and my life decisions. Yeah, how many can truly say that.

Is everything good? Heck no. I still need a job. I'm still not cancer free. I'm still living in a situation that I'd give anything to be out of.....but I'm content. Happy. Something I've pursued for years and feel that in the midst of the turmoil I seem to have found it.

I've gone back to yoga. Big part of it. There is something about forcing yourself to do nothing but focus on relaxing twice a week. What a difference it has made.

I'm changing my name....legally. Why? Several reasons.

1. I worked a job years ago that had three "Jeanette"s working for them. I became Jlynn because my name is actually Jeanette Lynn. I liked that name and looking back, I wish I'd kept it. So I'm going back. In fact, I'm changing it legally.

2. I hate the tone that my ex uses when he says Jeanette. It has a venom to it. I don't like it. Pithy and immature on my part to take offense I'm sure, but I want something new.

3. I wanted to go back to my maiden name when I divorced. One of my children asked me to keep my married name so I did. He no longer sees us having the same name as important. So I'm going back to my maiden name too.

4. A new name feels fresh, the same way that turning 50 feels fresh. I am pursuing that which brings me BLISS much as I always have, but something has changed. The pursuit now has a sense of abandon. I no longer care what others think....with the exception of my children.

5. I've shared my name change with a few select friends who have been overwhelmingly supportive and have even expressed that my new name more appropriately reflects my personality. I don't know why that makes me smile, but it does.

So there you go.....is it a Mid-Life Crisis? Yup, and I wear it proudly....like a Ninja!

50 Women Over 50 - Jamie Lee Curtis

2010-12-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

Ok troops! First of all, I can't believe I still have followers after six months in hiding. Thanks for waiting patiently. Then to log on and see comments plus a bunch of emails of encouragement and telling me that you had missed me...well...it made me cry. Thanks for that!

So I'm turning 50 in February. I am excited about it. I am looking forward to it so much I do believe people are questioning my sanity. I love my life even with all the stupid that seems to hit me on a daily basis. I've been told that I have a great capacity for happiness. Pretty good complement I think although I truly believe the happiest people in the world are usually the ones who have been run over by a truck....repeatedly. If that is the case, I am delirious with happy!

In celebration of my turning 50, I want to shine a light on women over 50 who rather than becoming old crones, have gone on to accomplish more and be deliriously happy themselves.

Jamie Lee Curtis is first up.

This women first became one of my heros when she debuted in the movie Halloween when I was in college. Scared me to death which is pretty hard to do.

I've spent years watching her career and grew to actually love her when in her thirties she announced that she intended to grow old with grace and would never have plastic surgery.

Can you imagine? I can remember her on Oprah talking about it and everyone in the audience was shocked.

She has gone on to many other roles and now tends to play the mom usually with a comic flare. Since I live the role of mom with comic flare....well.... what can I say.

I think she is beautiful. That comic thing just adds to the dimension of a woman who is living life to the fullest no matter what stage she is in. I love that!

She has gone on to become a philanthropist supporting some incredibly worthy causes.

She has married and mothered children.

And she looks forward.....always.

I want to live my life always looking forward. I want to do good things in the world and raise happy children.

The best part of this over 50 woman is that Jamie Lee wears her wrinkles with pride.

If that isn't a role model, I don't know what is.

Yeah.....it's time

2010-12-21T18:43:00.000-08:00

Time to start blogging again.

I'm getting ready to turn 50 years old. I've been told that people who are over 50 become more of who they are and tend to lose their filter. Yeah, that ought to be fun.

I haven't blogged in six months. In that time....

I've had a grandson. Welcome Remington Danger.

I've been diagnosed with cancer. Fight on I say.

I've lived with my ex-husband for financial reasons. Ahem.

And I've loved life more than ever.

Stand by....more drivel is on the way.

July Full Moon Dream Boards

2010-07-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

I love the Full Moon. Regardless of what you believe, there is just something about a great, big full moon that makes me want to dream dreams.

Head over to Jaime's place if you want to participate. Here's the link.... http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/

BLISS - Swedish

2010-07-23T23:25:00.000-07:00

It’s been awhile since I’ve explored BLISS. Perhaps it’s the fact that my family has taken a left turn into Crapsville or the reality that this is the second year for the same word and I’ve never done that before. (I choose one word a year to explore in as many ways as I can. Last year it was BLISS and I’ve continued the exploration even now.)

So tonight I had some “me” time and I got bored and began pondering BLISS yet again.

My daughter has a friend. We’ll call her Sweet E.

Sweet E and FooFoo are pretty much inseparable. They go to church together. They spend tons of time together at both houses. They both call me mom and quite frankly, Sweet E is just as much a part of our family as FooFoo.

This weekend, Sweet E is away. My daughter and her friend have made a pact that they will text a picture every hour no matter what they are doing at the moment. There have been some pretty funny ones going back and forth.

Sweet E is Swedish. She speaks the language fluently and FooFoo has picked some up just by being in their home. For instance, sometimes I say “Kiss, Kiss” to my children as they are running by. Last week, my daughter replied, “Puss, puss”. Stopped me in my tracks, but apparently that is “Kiss, Kiss” in Swedish.

I love Swedish. It’s a happy language and I can’t help but smile every time I hear it spoken. It is light and joyful.

There are three words in Swedish for BLISS. I always find it interesting that BLISS in English has multiple meanings but only one word. No wonder it’s so hard to learn.

Lycksalighet means nothing more than BLISS. It’s a noun and has no other meaning. I searched quite a bit and really couldn’t find an alternative meaning. BLISS meaning so many different things to different people, a simple meaning of BLISS wasn’t enough. Anyway, this didn’t help my never ending search.

Lycka is also a noun meaning BLISS. This word has other meanings as well.

happiness,
luck
success
chance
mercy
fortune

Which makes me wonder, if BLISS that is made of chance, fortune, and luck is that really a BLISS that should be pursued. I mean, wouldn’t that be a BLISS that just falls in my lap at some point without any effort on my part? I want a tangible BLISS. I want to feel it and know that it is real. I want to pursue BLISS with all my heart.

The Swedes have one more definition of BLISS….

Salighet, also a noun for BLISS but with the further definition of

glory
blessedness
beatitude

Now that sounds like a BLISS that is related to a spiritual pursuit, although I may be pushing that definition for my own needs.

What I know for sure is that when FooFoo and Sweet E are together, there is BLISS in every way. They delight in each other and they care deeply about the comings and goings in each of their lives.

It is BLISS to find a good friend. I’ve been blessed to have several in my life. I am very thankful to good friends who buy into my life on a deep level. They pour BLISS into my life often.

It’s the phone calls from the best friend I’ve ever had, Ann, who has the ability to make me laugh like no other. It’s the chattering away the evening with my friends AD and Kyra. It’s the simple love of people who have been there to listen and encourage for years like my friends, Sarah, Sue, Janice, Pam, and Tracy. It’s the friends that make me stretch and grow and call me on it when I feel sorry for myself a bit too much like Mary and Jo.

BLISS can be the simple reaching out to enjoy another person. BLISS can be the willingness to accept that someone is reaching out to me. The back and forth of a delightful intimacy that is just two friends connecting.

I don’t know if all Swedes are like that, but I know two 14 year old girls who have it down. BLISS.

The Last Person on the Planet to See

2010-07-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

My name is Jeanette and I've never seen LOST. There, I said it.

Sooooo, I have an opportunity here to watch the whole thing from the beginning and I'm going to.....or at least try. Stay tuned. If I don't get it, I may need answers. Just sayn'

Flash Mob Friday's Tribute to Seattle

2010-07-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

Doncha know I love Seattle! I suppose I could honor my area of the country by sharing the normal that goes on here....but that wouldn't be near as much fun.

Seattle is home and we know how to do flash mobs. The organizers post an invite on Facebook. Then they post the teaching videos on YouTube so everyone can learn the dance. Then they hold five or so in person rehearsals. Then they go to several sites in the city. It's open to anyone who wants to participate. Always fun!

And of course in Seattle we have our annual Zombie Walk. Yes, I have several friends who participated this year....

We can't end this tribute to Seattle without sharing the Solstice Parade 2010. Seattle's tribute to summer....oh...and yes...ahem...they are naked. In the old days the cops would chase them down the street which was just as much fun. Now the cops don't even bother to come.

Our summer's are short here, we have to pack a whole lotta fun in a very short time. Come for a visit. We promise to be "normal" if that would make you more comfortable. Just sayn'

Even the Whales are Unhappy with BP

2010-07-21T17:26:00.001-07:00

Have you seen this? No injuries to the whale or the boat, but how scary is that! I'll add the link so you can see more pictures if you like....

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Whale-wallops-yacht-South-Africa/ss/events/sc/072110jumpingwhale

Seriously Cranky

2010-07-21T01:25:00.001-07:00

So I am seriously cranky.

I suppose I could blame the fact that August will mark my one year of being unemployed. While I have documented ENDLESSLY my wanderings through the various "systems" and my disappointment in said systems, I have actually loved being home daily with my children.

I suppose I could blame the fact that I've gained thirty pounds this year when I could have been working out constantly, although I've gotten more exercise than I've gotten in years.

I suppose it's because I've listened to stories of abuse for almost six months now and am having a terrible time not internalizing them. Writing my book has become agonizing at times.

Whatever.

So I'll leave you with a couple of pictures around our town.....

First up....this is the sculpture outside the Unemployment Security Office....SERIOUSLY.

This next picture goes to prove the economy is bad as this is our local cemetery.

Persevering on....

An Authentic Life

2010-07-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. While screaming Authentic Life, that woman looks terrible. I look like her in so many ways right now. I'm not sleeping well and quite frankly, those dark circles around her eyes are very accurate. Funny, but accurate.

An authentic life...being true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. Living in simplicity because there is no facade. Staying true to what matters most.

For the last ten years, I have wanted to live an authentic life. When I turned forty, I was dealing with some really ugly things in my marriage. I was holding tight to my religious beliefs, but at the same time having a terrible time justifying the suffering that was going on....for the both of us.

I've never talked about why I ended my marriage except with my pastor at the time. Back then, his opinion mattered to me. In some ways, it still does but it is more as a friend than as an authority in my life these days.

When I turned forty, I spoke to him about ending my marriage and he told me that I had biblical grounds to do so. At 43, I finally did. It was brutal. My poor ex-husband spoke untruths to anyone who would listen. I kept my mouth shut. My pastor telling me not to speak out. I never did. He told me to walk in grace. I learned to do just that.

I knew that ending my marriage was something that needed to be done. And while he doesn't agree, I believe that in many ways it was something that needed to happen for my ex-husband too. He coped as best he could. Perhaps I should have defended myself, but I'm glad I didn't for so many reasons.

Since then, I've sought to learn who I am, what I need, what my bliss is....what exactly is my authentic life. A year ago, I was well on my way to BLISS.

I am at a baseline place tonight.

And still, I feel hope. So much hope. This whole year has been about being on the cusp of something new. I'm ready. The children are ready. It's exciting. An authentic life. It is happening now.

Twenty Years and Counting! TWENTY YEARS!

2010-07-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

Remington Nathaniel is 20 years old today. This kid, he makes me smile. He is so smart. Gifted Smart. He works full-time, he goes to school full-time. But I'm going to share some things that you probably don't know about our Remy.

The day he decided to be born. I was home alone. Contractions started and because my first labor had been 14+ hours, I decided to take a shower. While in the shower, my water broke.

I decided to drive myself to the hospital, pulling over for every contraction. Yes, twenty years ago, I wasn't very smart.

I drove into the emergency room bay of the hospital where I worked. I was in really hard labor at this point. One of the male nurses, who was my friend, helped me into a wheelchair while stating, "I don't like to do babies. You will wait until we get you to OB right?"

Needless to say, Remy was born forty minutes from the moment I felt my first contraction. Thank goodness my doctor's partner was there delivering another baby or I would have done that on my own too.

And that, my friends, is how this man goes through life. He forges ahead no matter what.

When he was a preschooler, his babysitter named him The Reminator. Apparently he was always on some kind of search and destroy mission. The name has stuck to this day, much to his annoyance.

He loves well done scary movies. He is the one person who can talk me into staying up all night to watch zombie movies.
He is fiercely loyal to family, to friends.

But mostly, he's my sweet, beautiful baby who has...from the moment he was born...warmed my heart to the point of bursting. He is someone I enjoy immensely and I'm so very, incredibly, proud of the man he is choosing to be.

Happy 20th Birthday Remy!

When the Zombies attack, I'll be right there with ya!

My Middle Name is DANGER

2010-07-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a little boy. He was fearless.

At three years old, he climbed a tree so high that his mom had to have the neighbor rescue him and even then there was talk of calling the fire department.

He continued on...never afraid. He would run through the house and say, "My name is Danger" and his mom would roll her eyes and let him because he was just so darn cute.

The little boy grew to be a man of honor. And he met a girl.....

She loved him even when he was big and bad and buff. She knew that inside that tough man was the heart of a marshmellow....yes that girl loved that boy.

So he married her and carted her off to Germany.

And because she loved him, she went willingly.

And something exciting happened in Germany...a long, long way from home.

Introducing.....Remington Danger....or Zoe Leanne....we don't quite know just yet.

The sweet girl says that once again that little boy is doing the right thing. He spoils her. Makes dinner. Does the cleaning. What a good boy he is indeed.

Yes, that little boy will soon have his own. He has gone forth boldly his whole life.

I think he'll be a great dad.

How is this for WEIRD....

2010-07-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

So all day I've been pondering....those of you who have spent any time at all here know that when I ponder it ALWAYS results in a blog post.

Anyhoo, I've been thinking a lot about how life is good. In the midst of everything.....life is still good. Really, it is....trust me on this.

So I go to look at my comments and there is an award from Julie at

Julie Lost and Found You should go visit her. She's awesome!

Honestly! How hysterical is that....I mean REALLY. Totally amazing.

So back to the pondering....

Here is what I know for sure....

1. I am and always will be my own best friend. How many people are truly at peace with themselves? I feel pretty blessed in that.

2. We are about as low as we can be right now and that excites me because the whole world is open to us and we can make a change in any direction at this point.

3. My first grandbaby is growing inside my beautiful daughter-in-law. Grandbabies mean hope.

4. My children and I are still in the palm of God's hand. I've never doubted it.

5. The programs designed to help people, do anything but. (You knew I couldn't get through an entire post without that stab).

6. Whale Wars is a train wreck of a show and I just can't stop watching. Of course if I was younger and more insane, I'd so totally be participating.

7. I need to lose weight. Now to decide what method to use.

8. No matter what, I intend to live an authentic life. Not sure what that means, but I like the sound of it.

9. My new job is preparing for me. It will be something that I enjoy and will be deliriously fulfilling.

10. My children are the most easy-going, flexible people I've ever met. I'm so blessed.

Ok, so now I'm going to pass on this absolutely delightful reward to five blogs that I love as per the "rules".

Learn As You Go - Jacki is a new blogger, but I already think she is great. Go forth and follow!

Always Carried Away - Deva is a Facebook friend for me. I've followed her blog as long as I've been blogging. I just adore her. Her blog is a "pour yourself a cup of tea and relax" kind of blog.

pearl-why you little - Pearl is a hoot. Her blog is always good for a laugh. I highly recommend it!

Surviving Oz - Lisa is the mother of twins. We twins mothers must stick together because we are outnumbered before the little darlings are even born.

the redhead riter - Riter is addicting. Everything she writes is so interesting. Go check her out.

Alright friends. I'm going to save the rest of my pondering for next time. So, go forth and follow.

And as always...if you are following me and I'm not following you, please let me know so I can fix that because that is just WRONG.

Where Is the Hidden Camera?

2010-07-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

Oh Mercy. You know those moments in life when you think, "Where is the hidden camera"? Well a few weeks ago, I had one of those. When it happened, I immediately said, "This is going on my blog".

So my twins were baptised one Sunday morning in May. Afterwards, we had planned a family get-together at my ex-husband's house. My daughter and I opted to ride with my ex-in laws.

With my ex father-in-law at the wheel we left the church only to turn the complete opposite way that we meant to go. My ex mother-in-law had wanted to pick up some ice cream on the way. "On the way" being the operative phrase.

We passed two grocery stores. In the back seat, my daughter and I kept looking at each other. It was obvious that we were now on an adventure.

Finally, we stopped at a grocery store....three miles away on the other side of town. It is the same grocery store as the one right by my ex-husband's house. I have no explanation.

As we exited the car, my ex mother-in-law said to ex FIL, "Stay in the car, I mean it".

Fifteen minutes later.....

We came out of the store, ice cream in hand, there was FIL....

bent over...

in a garbage can...

up to his waist...

obviously NOT in the car.

MIL: I told you to stay in the car.
FIL: I decided to clean out the car.
MIL: So why are you in the garbage.
FIL: I lost my keys.

I slinked off. Snickering. I couldn't help it. I love those two people simply for the comedy factor.

I wandered over to the car only to find that we were now locked out. I called my ex-husband. He started snickering. I said, "We'll be there when we get there".

For twenty minutes my daughter and I listened to them snipe at it. His eyes are bad, but he wouldn't let us help, she was upset because the ice cream was melting. He continued to dig through the garbage. She continued to yell at him for not staying in the car. My daughter and I pretended to not be with them at all.

Finally, MIL went into the store and asked for help. Out came a very patient worker who pulled out the garbage bag, dumped the garbage, and in the midst of it all....found the keys.

These are two people who will be celebrating fifty years together soon. Amazing. They care deeply for each other. They annoy each other. They have built an incredible family together.

Sigh....way beyond funny. Think I may take the bus next time.

Friday Flash Mob!

2010-07-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

It's all good.

Life Continues On

2010-06-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

I send out resumes. Not much else to report.

I do have an appointment to "dumbdown my resume" next week. Yes, that is what they called it.

Apparently, less education, less experience, less "you are over qualified" will lead to offers for less money.

THE. SYSTEM. IS. BROKE.

I would also like to thank the follower that felt the need to email me to let me know that it was my own fault. I've decided that people have to blame the person dealing with this economy because if they didn't, they might have to face that it could happen to them.

I'm Fascinating

2010-06-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

Circumstances haven't changed much for me lately. Still unemployed. Still sending out a ton of resumes. Still troopsing to Worksource (unemployment office) on a daily bases to hear what's wrong with me.

I went through another evaluation yesterday....yes my third since I've been unemployed. You go as if you are going to an interview and then they tell you why they wouldn't hire you. Yes, it's brutal.

Her only recommendation was that I didn't have jewelry on. Her take is that having it on would make me more approachable. Sigh. I've sold most of my jewelry because I am unemployed.

All I could think was that I've been a hiring manager for 15 years. I don't believe I have ever looked at an applicant's jewelry and I certainly haven't rejected them because they did or didn't have something on.

I told my ex-husband about it last night as he picked up the children. He shared a story about a friend of his who was having the same type of experiences. His friend was told that the khaki pants he had on were not the right color for an interview. They were beige and he had on a dark blue shirt.

Then my ex said, "Brush it off Jeanette. You have had a huge, long, successful career and it's not you. It's the economy and you just have to keep going and wading through it".

He doesn't say much right to me anymore, but I sure needed to hear that.

My daughter has a friend who needs help getting ready for their eight grade dance. She is going to come over and I'm going to do both of their hair and make up. My daughter was going on and on about how many of her friends just love me and think she is so lucky to have a mom like me.

Later that night a dear male friend and I were chatting on yahoo. He told me that he always thought I was smart. He also said that I always fascinated him. I think he said something about having nice boobs too, but I'm trying to frame him in a positive light.

We talked about why we had always been good friends and never moved into anything else. He put it perfectly. He said, "You never judge and you are always fun, but we know too much about each other, too many of the secrets". He made me laugh so hard.

This morning, as I rode the bus to the unemployment office again, the bus driver and I chatted. He said, "You are always so friendly. I've seen you talk to the smelliest people as if you couldn't smell them. How do you make people feel so valuable".

I don't know why these four interactions touched me so much. Perhaps its because I can hear my mother's voice rattling around in my head about how I will always be a disappointment. Perhaps it's because after almost 10 months of unemployment, I'm feeling like things are never going to get better. While I feel peaceful and content most of the time, I'm just tired of the battle.

Whatever the reason, I am so thankful that these people have given me a fresh perspective of how I impact my world. They've let me know that even in the worst of times, I can still be a kind light to those around me.

It's a good day.....persevering on here with a smile. I hope you are too.

Flash Mob Friday

2010-05-28T15:33:00.001-07:00

Something Positive for a Change

2010-05-13T10:56:00.001-07:00

Spring Cleaning and Other Ramblings!

2010-05-12T13:40:00.001-07:00

The children and I are doing some major spring cleaning right now. Feels so good to have a clean home doesn't it?

Cleaning is the one thing in my life that I feel I truly have control over. It is the only thing that I can do with all my heart and actually see immediate success in. I need that.

I am sending out an average of 30 resumes a week. That makes an approximate total of 960 resumes sent all over the country since I lost my job.

I regret not taking that position in Alaska because I didn't want to uproot my children. I regret not taking that position in Chicago because I'd never been there.

Looking through the ads today. I noticed something. Entry level positions in my field used to be $18 to $20. That's ENTRY level. I have 28 years of experience and made almost double that in my last position.

This morning, entry level positions were going for $12 to $14. I applied for all of them.

I have now been accepted into a new graduate program. And since I've not gotten approval, I also have absolutely no way to pay for it. I've received a grant, 1/16th the amount of the schooling and an invitation to apply for the unemployment program again in June, still no guarantees. What to do? What to do?

Think I'll go find something to clean.

What I've learned being laid off....

2010-05-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

1. I could sleep till noon every day.

2. I can make three meals for four people out of two chicken breasts.

3. There are people everywhere who have stories to tell and if I just show an interest, I can fill up my day chatting with interesting people.

4. Government agencies set up to help people are also set up to make it as hard as possible to get help. Not the employees' fault, just the nature of the beast.

5. Being my own best advocate has to happen because no one else is going to fight for my family like me.

6. No matter how hard I work, how many hours I put in, or how much I let my employer impose on my time and priorities, I am expendable in a heartbeat and without warning.

7. Making a trip to the library your family's "big thing", tends to turn your children into voracious readers.

8. Public transportation isn't all that bad once you get it down.

9. I can create peace in my home when all chaos is happening in my life.

10. There are so many people in the same position I am.

11. There is absolutely nothing better than a cuddle with a kid and pet.

12. Even though I only had enough preparation to be out of work three months, God has sustained us for more than eight. That is a miracle in itself.

13. Miracles usually happen at the very last minute. Being patient and practicing peace is the only thing I can really do to prepare.

Oy! Government Programs!

2010-05-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of the Everett Transit Center. It's a major hub where the buses and trains intersect. It is actually a really nice place as bus centers go. See the building in the background?

Here's a picture of the building that also houses most of the county and state resources including the Unemployment Insurance office. I seem to spend quite a bit of time there including this morning.

This morning, I went to a required meeting. I was requested to come as if I was going for an interview. I dressed, took a resume, and examples of my work.

During this meeting, some stranger who has never worked in my field or had any first hand knowledge of my profession is given the opportunity to critique my professionalism, my resume, and my work.

IT. IS. BRUTAL.

And what made it more so was the simple fact that I had a difficult time hearing what this young man had to say over the ticking of his TWO Hello Kitty watches and smacking gum.

In the end....I hadn't hit the mark at all on his standards.

In the end, he picked up on my disgust....ok, I am not known for having a poker face on any level.......he asked me if I would continue my attitude should he decide I be accepted to this program.

All I could think to say was, just tell me what part of your body I need to kiss to get the help I need.

I broke into tears waiting for the elevator. A woman who I have dealt with before came up behind me. She is one of the "smarter" folks who work there. We spoke for quite sometime. She gave me some directions to go.

As I left, my thought was......I'm surprised someone hasn't bombed this place to hell.

I just came across this article while reading the news......READ

What I Know for Sure

2010-05-06T03:46:00.001-07:00

What my family is going through right now won't kill us.

God still has a plan for me.

The Universe is still full of many possibilities.

If I keep moving, I will continue forward motion.

There are people who are having a much worse time than I am.

Anxiety can only have a place in my life if I let it.

Not sleeping is only going to make things seem worse.

In the long run, facing what comes to me is much better than hiding.

I am deeply loved by those that matter.

I have some really wonderful, encouraging friends.

This won't last forever because sometimes when God closes a door... he burns the house down!

It's a Birthday Day!

2010-05-06T00:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a bit of a trauma (I posted on that); still life goes on…..

We have a birthday today. A big birthday. Mighty Max and Super Sam were born eleven years ago today.

Now when I had delivered my daughter three years earlier….I mean I was still in the stir-ups….I told our doctor that I wanted twins next time. He laughed and said something to the effect that he would put the order in.

Every time I was in the doctor’s office from that point on, his staff and I would banter back and forth about when the twins would be born.

At some point in that timeline, we decided we were done having children. Three was enough.

A year later, my husband said, “Let’s have just one more”.

I reminded him that we had put in our request for twins. We would laugh and 10 months later, off I went to the doctor to confirm I was pregnant.

While there, the doctor reminded me that you could not just “ask” for twins. BUT, after examining me he was sure that I had my dates wrong and immediately sent me for an ultrasound.

As I lay there, my husband made jokes with the tech about how she needed to find twins because we had put our order in three years earlier. I’m pretty sure she thought we were both insane as we joked.

It was at that point she said, “OH MY GAWD! IT’S TWINS”!

When they were born, it was the most overwhelming experience of my life. I don’t think I slept for the first four years because they would constantly tag team. It was always insane.

I would try to potty train them and they would go and diaper each other. Before they could fully talk, they would come up with ways to play tricks on other members of the family. I have so many stories about the joy of raising them.

They are a true blessing and while they are identical, they are so very different.

Super Sam is the thinker. He is constantly coming up with ideas that he fully intends to develop and make millions on. He sings. He reads. He is an incredible person. A good person.

Mighty Max is a doer. He can put together and take apart anything and probably has. He is my cuddlier. He is shy. He is so very delightful….and he is a good person.

So it is with so much joy that I wish my baby boys a Happy Birthday. I am so thrilled and proud to be your mom! I love you guys so much!

If You Do, Please Pray

2010-05-05T14:40:00.001-07:00

I have really been trying to avoid that, "Things are going too well feeling".

Well not only did I not get approved for funding for school or for unemployment while I'm in school..... are you ready for this?

I got denied my unemployment.... as in cut off.... as in this in my only income right now. Now I was warned that might happen if I didn't go back to school, but for goodness sake, I'm going back to school. The thing is, they didn't approve my going back to school either. They apparently want me to get a job.

Ahem.

It's so confusing and borders on insanity.

I've been on the phone with four different people at unemployment. There is an appeals process which I will begin today.

When I was on the phone with the last lady, I made mention of the fact that I don't qualify for food stamps or anything like that because my unemployment is too high. Her response, "Well, your circumstances have changed. I'm sure they'll help you now".

I don't understand why it is so hard to get help.

This morning I posted about not controlling and allowing life to take me where it may. This is too tenuous for me. It is too scary.

Thank God all my bills are paid already for the month of May.

The Illusion of Control

2010-05-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

" If you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you."

Maintaining control of my whole world seems to only happen with sheer and forceful application of all the mental energy I can muster. The thing is, the world just keeps whirling and amazingly enough, it seems to stay on its track without any effort from me.

I suppose this year is about learning my place in it and that I can be free and relaxed enough to enjoy it.

I am a controller and I would suspect that most people are, especially mothers. I have been all my life. A product of the dysfunction of my childhood I'm sure.

I now know that this way of life has contributed to my health issues due to the stress. I have never gotten good results trying to control and I have usually received an unmanageable life for my efforts. Whether it was the whirlwind inside of me or in external events, the unmanageability was... well... unmanageable.

The more I let go of all the rules and let the winds of life take me, the more manageable my life seems to get. Maybe that is what this year is all about. Learning to let go of all the rules and just be, the tradeoff being a life that is manageable and filled with BLISS.

It's Wishcasting over at Jaime's Studio. Join us Here.

Finding a Passion Is a Good Thing!

2010-04-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

See Mighty Max.
Mighty Max is 10.
See Mighty Max with his drill and tools.
See the table Mom worked on for three days.
See Mom epic fail because she couldn't get it together.
See Mighty Max put it together in less than an hour. Good job Mighty Max, good job!

Dreams, A Full Moon, Something New

2010-04-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

Jamie Ridler Studios...join us HERE.

"You need not worry about the future".

"A career change may be in your future".

"Something special is coming your way".

"You will enjoy peace and harmony in your home".

"You could be invited to travel to a foreign land".

"You will travel to an exotic location".

"It's Never Too Late"

"Go with the Flow"

Yeah, we eat a LOT of yummy Chinese food around here. And no, it may be the "Pink" full moon, but I just didn't go there.

Insanity or How to Go Back to School

2010-04-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is what I know. Sometimes, I get a different story from a different "helpful" person, but this is what I've found to be fairly accurate. Use it as you will, but don't shoot the messenger if you find out something different....although if you find out something different, let me know because I probably need that information.

Ok, so I’ve received several emails about the programs I’ve encountered in being forced to go back to school and then in wanting to go back to school. All of these programs are Federal in nature and not just Washington state so hopefully it will help you if you don't live here..

If you are on unemployment and want to go back to school, you must apply for the CAT (Commissioner Approved Training) Program. This is the program that gives permission and validates that the program you are going for is in demand. To qualify, you have to be leaving a field that is not in demand. Washington state has a website that gives the in demand fields by county. It can be accessed through the WorkSource website.

To be paid unemployment at the same time as going to school, you have to be approved for the TB (Training Benefits) Program. Now here is what you need to know…

1. This program is only available for two years as unemployment can only be received for two years.

2. This program must be applied for within the first 90 days of your unemployment. Now, I’ve been unemployed for eight months as of this week. I didn’t know about this program. I have been given the opportunity to plead my case as ignorance and have been advised to lie if I need to, not something I would recommend.

3. You have to be accepted and enrolled into a program PRIOR to approval which translates to paying on the fees and going to all of the effort prior to knowing if you are going to get the money. (I have already been approved and have taken money out of my 401k in the hope that I will be approved for this program).

4. If you can prove that you are committed, they are most likely to approve you.

5. Money for this program expires June 30. Apparently this program is out of money.

6. Good news, there is a reinvestment in the program on July 1 so getting approved now will enable you to begin school in the summer.

The last program that has to be approved is WIA. I have no idea what it stands for as they never refer to it as anything but WIA. This is the program that actually pays for school. I have an email in to the rep at my Unemployment Office. It is a first come/first served program so it is insanely hard to connect with someone. I am waiting and should be receiving a phone call regarding my appointment. Here’s what you need to know about this program….

1. The school AND program you are entering must be on the approved list that can be found on the WorkSource website if you are in Washington.

2. This program is also out of funding, but will be up and running again July 1.

3. Now is the time to apply. They are really busy and decline up to 80% of applicants after June 1 because they just get too busy.

4. You have to prove that you are not employable in this economy.

5. You have to have exhausted all other funding resources before they will award this money.

6. They want to get you working as fast as they can so they really push the quick education certificates. If you have college credit and can get you bachelors within two years, you are eligible to complete it on their dime, but they really push the quick stuff. I was able to prove that becoming a Massage Therapist would actually decrease my income. That is what made me eligible.

In the meantime, I am gathering transcripts and such for the school. Here are some other things you should know….

1. They recommend that you start school while you are waiting for approval.

2. I have filled out my FAFSA forms. FAFSA is the government financial aid forms. I applied online and got my award within 48 hours. The financial aid grant I got was $4100. I plan to use that money for my first semester in the hopes that the other money kicks in.

3. They don’t approve a damn thing until you are in school. Then they are willing to help you. Stupid I know.

4. The closer you are to finishing your degree the more financial aid is available. That was something the school financial aid office told me. She said that the government has enacted some kind of regulation that places the burden on school to make sure that people complete their degrees.

5. Now is the time. Being the middle of the semester for most schools, they are able to process things really quickly. I applied with my application essay and forms to the school and was accepted within 48 hours. FAFSA processed quickly as I mentioned above. I also spoke to my previous schools who all said they could have my transcripts out the door within 48 hours.

6. I found everything, information and forms, online.

7. After I had submitted everything, I was told that if I turn in the TB paperwork, it automatically covers the CAT portion. I wish someone had told me that.

8. Washington WorkSource/Unemployment has orientation classes for CAT/TB and WIA. Take them. The folks who teach them seem to be arrogant as the day is long, but they got me on the right path.

9. Get all your job contacts in order. To be eligible, you have to prove your job search efforts with every application.

As always, I find that often I was given misinformation by the previous person. But I’m also learning through this process that if I don’t advocate for myself, no one else will. I find that the more forceful I am about asking questions, the more information I get.

I'm not including links because I'm too lazy to go and find them. I found it all online or at the WorkSource office.

Do share with me what you learn and if you have any questions, let me know. Also, please pray that I get accepted to these programs as I am putting out quite a bit of money and it is feeling a tad like a crap shoot.

Best Day Ever

2010-04-26T10:05:00.001-07:00

Ever have one of those days where you aren't sure where you're going and have no timeline to get there? The days where hair and make-up take a backseat to adventure and spontaneity? Yeah…we live for those days and sometimes we take extra kids with us.

a REAL love story

2010-04-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

I usually don't post this many videos in one week, but I. LOVE. THIS!!!!!! (Thanks Sheri!)

Oy!

2010-04-22T14:46:00.001-07:00

Life Can Change in a Heartbeat

2010-04-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I ranted. Horribly so. All about how the great State of Washington was hell-bent on sending me back to school to a community college program to get a certificate. I've whined about this quite a bit. So sorry.

My friend SARAH LULU is a blogging buddy of mine. If you haven't followed her yet, you are missing out on more wisdom than any one person should hold and she is not afraid to share it, most of which lands right between my eyes.

Yesterday, she commented on that post....

"Now....if you do project all that frustration and angst and...everything is all wrong especially these people and this system....more will come back. Choose."

Yesterday, my friend Tabitha at I_CHOOSE_BLISS posted the following on her Facebook...

"As you go the way of life you will see a great chasm. Jump. It is not as wide as you think." ~Native American Proverb

Last night, I was up late dinking around on the computer and I read my horoscope.

"You need to move beyond your current weird emotional baggage -- it's not helping you, that's for sure! It's a really good time to walk away from bad situations, even if you're somewhat uncertain."

I went to bed last night thinking, wondering....WHAT AM I MISSING? WHERE AM I BEING DRIVEN? WHY AM I NOT GETTING IT!

So this morning, I got up and headed over to the unemployment office. I wanted them to understand that there are people out there who NEED this program. People who are fighting for those elusive funds. To get someone to understand that it would be just so wasted on me.

I asked to speak to the most senior person there. Someone who had "heard it all".

I spoke to a woman who had 33 years of experience. She "made" time for me.

She said, "How close are you to completing your Masters?"

"Less than a year".

"Well if you could do anything you wanted to, what would you go to school to do?"

"I'd be a psychologist either in Criminal Behavior or Gerontology. I also have a secret dream about a place where there are support groups and counseling, legal help, plus things like yoga and massage. A safe place for people coming out of difficult relationships like narcissistic abuse. But I will never get there because I don't have the funds or education and I'm raising a boatload of kids alone".

"Well, the field that you are wanting is an in-demand field whereas the field you are leaving is considered over-populated. Here take these forms. This is a program to help people complete graduate degrees. There's actually more funds in this program because no one ever accesses it".

* Blink

** Blink Blink

"You mean the state will let me keep my unemployment and pay for me to complete my Masters?"

"Well if you went to school full-time and took extra classes you could probably get your Doctorate in the alloted time".

* Blink

** Blink Blink

"Also, you may want to consider the university for your Masters because they have an online program for everything except the practicum".

* Blink

* Blink Blink

"The Doctorate would be a bit harder because you would have to go to school a couple of Saturdays a month, but you could do it if you really wanted to".

* Blink

* Blink Blink

"Are you ok?"

"I think I'm hyper-ventilating".

"When do you think you would want to start?"

"I don't know....in the Summer?"

"Well we can evaluate and get your approval back within two weeks or so. You have missed some deadlines, but you didn't know about the program so you'll probably get a pass".

"I can spent the next two years getting through my Doctorate at home? I can spend the summer at the beach studying while my children play?"

"Yes, you could actually start next September if you wanted to, we would hold the funds for you until then".

* Blink

** Blink, Blink

"I think you are my new best friend lady".

I have over 40 pages of paperwork to fill out by Friday for the school and the state program. She is going to go over all of it for me then so that I don't create any snafus.

I am so blessed to have friends in the blogging community who are not afraid to read what I write and then guide me. I have friends on Facebook who encourage me so much, most of the time not even realizing it. I have friends in real life who aren't afraid to let me have it when my head is not following my heart.

Where will this path take me? Well to BLISS of course. Please pray and send good thoughts so that the process goes smoothly over the next few weeks.

Yeah, It's One of THOSE Posts!

2010-04-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, I think we can all agree that being unemployed sucks. Everyone has experienced looking for a job at some point in his or her life. It's difficult.

I've never been unemployed this long......ever. I've always been able to find a job within a matter of weeks. Prior to this stretch, I think the longest I was ever unemployed was two months and that was because I was traveling and basically not looking.

Do you remember when I posted about a letter I got stating strongly that I needed to go back to school to make myself more "marketable"? I'm linking it HERE if you need a reminder.

Anyhoo, I went to the "orientation" today. This was a class to teach me how to fill out the paperwork and choose a program.

Since I don't have a poker face, i.e. EVERYTHING shows, I'm sure the guy was not quite sure what to do with me.

First of all, they notified me that I needed to apply for this program back in January. At that time, I had already been unemployed four months or 120 days.

Apparently this program must be applied for and approved in the first 90 days of my unemployment. I've now been unemployed almost seven months. Ahem. I raised my hand....

"Does that mean I am wasting my time here?"

"No, you should still apply."

"What are the chances of my being approved?"

"I'd say less than 2% and that's only if there is funding available."

Someone else blurted out, "What do you mean funding available?"

Next thing I know, I've started a riot.

After the riot was brought under control, I asked, "What if I don't know what program I am going to take?"

"You need to know what program you are going to take, have applied and been accepted prior to a decision being made. Could you take a course for accounting certification?"

"Wait a minute, I have to spend my own money on a program I don't want to take before you tell me it's too late for me to be approved for the program. Wait, I already have an accounting degree."

Someone else, "Well that's just stupid".

"If you don't apply for the program, you will put your unemployment in jeopardy".

"What if I find someone who WANTS to go back to school? Would that work?"

I was pretty sure I was going to be sent to the Principal's office any moment.

Anyhoo, I've come home with a boatload of paperwork. I go to the next class on Friday, it's the "have you filled out your paperwork correctly" class so that I can then make an appointment for a 1:1 meeting with a Worksource counselor so they can sign off on my "correct" paperwork.

In the meantime, Thursday I'm going over to the community college to see what they say. Apparently the have career counselors to help me decide what to take.

Positives: It's getting me out of the house and giving me tons of blog fodder.

I realize that my attitude stinks and I should be willing to be open to the universe. I should be willing to accept all the help I can get. The thing is, I can't seem to get the help I need and the condescending nature of these poor people who are in these positions of forcing help upon people....well....quite frankly, I don't know how they do it. I just want a job.

Excuse me......I'm going to go spend time in my happy place.

Sigh.....Change Sucks!

2010-04-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

As a result of being unemployed, I spend lots of time blogging. In the morning I cuddle up with a cup of tea and read the early blogs, in the evening it's a glass of wine.

I love the blogging community. I've made "real life" friends through blogging. I've made many friends through blogging period.

I also realize and acknowledge that seasons come and go and lives change. People, for all the necessary reasons, choose to stop blogging. Three of my absolute favorites have stopped in the last couple of months.

Two of them are Facebook friends so they haven't totally left my life, but still. I miss their thoughts and struggles and humor.

Sigh.....I hate change.

Ok, now that I've been a downer.....

Go see Jack .....he has posted the most wonderful reminder that has NOTHING to do with this post. You can reach him HERE. Tell him Bombshell BLISS sent you!

Get a Hanky

2010-04-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

Vajazzling - I thought it was a joke.

2010-04-17T01:54:00.000-07:00

I truly thought it was a joke. How could this be comfortable? And how exactly would this make you "feel better" about a break up. Go take a look and let me know what YOU think. Falls into the bizaar beyond belief catagory.

Vajazzling

All I can think is....what happens if one of these "jewels" gets caught in your underwear? I think I'm too old to understand this. I laugh at it....but surely don't understand it!

Flash Mob Friday

2010-04-15T23:14:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, my children and I decided to have an adventure day. This Flash Mob actually took place in three different places in Seattle. Two of the children spent Friday night learning the moves.

Although we never made it to this Flash Mob, we had the best Saturday ever! I'll post about that another time. We do plan on doing the Flash Mob now that we are plugged into this group.

I love Seattle, no secret there. Enjoy!

Don't forget to participate in

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

2010-04-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

I was told I wouldn't have children. I wasn't able to have them. Long story, another post perhaps.

Then I started having problems. I went through all sorts of medical tests one of which was an ultrasound. I can still hear the technician telling me "That's your baby".

Twenty five years ago today, I gave birth to a pre-mature baby that was several weeks early and weighed only 3lbs. He was so sickly that the doctors encouraged us to make funeral arrangements. We did.

That little kid persevered. When I brought him home, he was barely five pounds. A week later, he needed emergency surgery.

I can still remember having a heart to heart talk with God explaining that I was absolutely not up to the task and could he please clue me in as to what the heck he was doing.

That little boy finally came home.....and he began to grow and grow.

When he was seven, he informed me that he was going to be in the Army. As a young mother, I laughed and knew that it was years away. No worries there.

He asked to go into the Marine Corps when he was seventeen. He was so driven, I signed him in. Four years later, he moved to the Army.

A few years ago, he was injured by an IED in Iraq. I can still remember the phone call I got from some officer. He had a head injury, had received a Purple Heart, and didn't want to come home because he felt that his unit needed him. He rehabbed there and went back into the field.

Who was this man? Was he really the baby boy that I loved so much?

Since then, he's done another tour in Iraq and been to several other hot spots.

He brought me so much joy as a child. The baby that wasn't suppose to be. The little boy who was always fearless. The teenager who drove me insane so many times. He walks with so much honor now. He has married a beautiful person. He honors and loves her so much. They are expecting their first baby. I couldn't be more proud of this child....this man. It is BLISS being his mom.

Happy Birthday O.C.!

Fear, Floating, & Future

2010-04-13T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm a reader, as in I'm usually reading a half a dozen books at a time. Two of my current books are intersecting about fear and future. I find that interesting since I'm pondering what I want to do with the last half of my life.

In less than a year, I turn 50 and I refuse to believe that my life is somehow "over" because of it.

So I'm doing a lot of reading and pondering these days. What do I want to do with myself, my career, my future? Even though I am a single, unemployed mom with LUPUS. I only seem to see possibilities, but if I ponder too long I feel fear and worry that I will miss the opportunity or worse, blow it.

Geneen Roth in "Women Food and God" quoted one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver. I had forgotten how much I loved her poem, "When Death Comes".

"When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it is over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world."

I have always tried to live my life as an adventure. And yet, there are so many times in my life where I've submitted to someone else and killed a part of who I am so that I would fit into their paradigm. Twisting myself into a pretzel will never happen again.

Still when something is removed, a vacuum is formed. So what replaces the pretzel who wants to please?

Good question. A question that could cause more stress than any one brain can handle.

The other book I'm reading is "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. I highly recommend it if you are a pretzel person.

She talks about letting go of fear. The analogy used is to consider that I am floating down a relaxing stream. All I HAVE to do is breath, relax, and go with the flow. When stress occurs, I tense, become overwhelmed, and thrash around frantically.

Panic is the enemy. I become desperate and my mind goes into overdrive as I try to "fix" whatever has presented itself as the problem du jour. I quickly become at risk of drowning. Joy goes, peace goes.

I want to stop struggling. I want to acknowledge that my course has been charted and if I will relax and continue to breath, life will unfold and it will be a fabulous adventure that benefits everyone that I love.

I'm turning 50 in less than a year. I'm becoming a grand...cough...cough...mother this year. I'm making a major career change this year. My twins enter middle school and my daughter enters high school this year.

My future has so much stress on the horizon and yet, I choose to breath, relax, and go with the flow, welcoming wherever this stream takes me.

Stick 'em Up

2010-04-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

The Creative Hare

2010-04-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

My friend over at "The Creative Hare" helped me fix my blog. I know enough to get myself in trouble about so many things which makes me absolutely, over-the-moon thankful when I connect with someone who truly knows what they are doing.

She is delightfully fun and I just love her blog because it is like a pleasant sigh in the middle of a rushed day.

Visit her here. Follow her too cause she's just THAT good.

Flash Mob Friday

2010-04-09T01:38:00.000-07:00

I love Seattle!

The kids and I may need to take a trip downtown on Saturday.

Check out HERE to find out why.

Oh Brother.

2010-04-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

My side column has gone to the bottom of my blog. Of course, I have no idea
how I did that and what's worse, I have no idea how to fix it.

Suggestions please?

Random Thoughts Because Life Is.....Random

2010-04-07T23:58:00.001-07:00

My life feels liberated. I know I should feel stressed but I don't.
I feel so much peace that I wonder if I've gone completely delusional.
I guess I just figure it will all play out like it is supposed to, right?
I feel like the person I was before my foray into the world of a narcissist.
That is something to be celebrated!

I have always said I will be the crazy lady down the street with cats.
Just didn't think that I would be this young.
Ok, I only have three.
Now normally, they each sleep with a child.
The last two weeks they have all decided that sleeping with me is best.
Hello? One of them can open the bedroom door even when I shut it,
I wake up in the middle of the night curved in a weird position trying not to disturb them.
Shhhhh, don't tell anyone.... I. LOVE. IT.

I've sworn off men.
Just easier that way.
Since there is no more room in my bed at the moment,Nuff said.
I go out with no make up and looking downright horrible.
I had two different men ask for my phone number this week.
I don't care who you are, that makes for a great week.
And no, I declined.
Crazy cat woman, sworn off men.
It's a life choice!

This one needs no explanation at all.
Peace, Contentment, Love <--------(Insert Deep Sigh Here)

Who's Blooming!

2010-04-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

Well it's Wishcasting Day over at Jamie Ridler Studios once again. You can visit her HERE.
It would be great if you would join us too!

The question today is.....

How Do You Wish to Bloom ?

I read a horoscope this week that said,

"You're feeling more hopeful about your possibilities today and that could mean
that you're due for a massive expansion or opportunity! Keep your eyes open and
be ready to act quickly."

It encapsulates how I'm feeling these days. Yes, I am still unemployed. Yes, things
are back to being tenuous. Still I choose to focus on the positive.

We have a lovely home. I'm attempting to become debt free and even now am
able to work toward that goal. Blessings from God for sure as our needs are being met.

My roots are firmly planted...in family....in my beliefs....in my life.

So how do I wish to bloom? I want to get a handle on my health. I want to continue
to use this time to bloom in an area that needs drastic overhaul in my life. I believe that this is the year to do that and I trust that opportunities will occur to make that happen.

Like a tree needs fertilizer, I will trust that my body will tell me what it needs. Like a tree needs water, I will trust that my spirit will find the refreshment that it needs to be at peace. Like a tree, I trust that those things that hold back my growth will be pruned from my life.

I am blooming and will continue to do so during this season because I must
remember that after the bloom comes a time of rest. The bloom doesn't last forever.
I intend to take advantage of it while I can.

Stick 'em Up Already

2010-04-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

Wanna play along? Head here....

Flash Mob Friday

2010-04-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

Here in Seattle it's dark and gray most of the time. So when the sun comes out, we generally celebrate in some odd ways.

Fremont has an annual event called the Solstice Parade.

Some of the bikers look naked....ahem....well yeah....sun comes out....some of us take off our clothes. It's what makes us unique....in more ways than is normal I'm sure.

Gives a whole new meaning to FLASH MOB.

Shhhhh, I have a secret.

2010-04-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, I rarely tell this to anyone.

This year my children decided that we should have a "date" night. It was deemed that our date night should revolve around American Idol.

Now I've never watched an entire season of American Idol because it was always just too painful to watch the dreams of these kids come crashing down. Ok, and my butt would get sore because the program just runs so dang long sometimes. But being the good mother that I try to be, I agreed that I would watch EVERY SINGLE EPISODE this season.

Here we are. Down to the final nine. I have watched EVERY SINGLE EPISODE lately…..alone.

The children lost interest somewhere at about the final 15 mark.

I am so stinkin’ addicted to this show I’m beginning to find it embarrassing.

I plan my day around when the show is on checking mid-day to see when it starts because it often fluctuates. We have dinner delivered because, gawd forbid that I should be cleaning in the kitchen when the show starts.

Yes, I am a closet American Idol addict. I light candles, pour myself a glass of wine and cuddle up under a blanket….alone. I watch every performance carefully timing my bathroom breaks so as not to miss a single moment.

After the show, I stay up an extra hour to call in my votes….repeatedly.

On elimination night, I can actually feel anxiety as I watch those poor kids stress.

My name is Jeanette and I’m an American Idol addict. Perhaps there is a program for recovery some place. I'm blaming it on the fact that BLISS can take many forms. Ahem. Pathetic!

Oh….and go Siobhan and Lee…..booya!

Required Viewing for Every Man

2010-03-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Lisa at Surviving Oz. I love her blog and you can visit her at http://www.survivingoz.com/ .

Horoscopes

2010-03-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

I don't read my horoscope very often, but this one really hit me.

"Your career may not be exactly what you want it to be -- but that's not unique to you. You bring an ability to see things differently that can land you somewhere much better in the very near future."

What Do You Wish to Accomplish?

2010-03-30T23:35:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday which means it's Wishcasting time. If you want to participate, feel free to visit Jaime Ridler Studios HERE.

The question of the day is.....

What do you wish to accomplish?

Accomplish is a big word. It implies that goals have been set, an effort has been made, and dreams have moved forward. It has been a few years since I had a dream as so much of my life is built on just plain survival at this time.

I've been laid off....again....as of last Friday. The rational? They were unhappy that I wasn't versed in Australian business practices. I didn't quite know how to answer as they have just moved the company to Seattle, Washington, USA and never once mentioned throughout the process that I needed to know Australian business practices. Was it the truth? I doubt it.

Still, it has not been upsetting in the least, in fact the children were thrilled that I would be home for Spring Break. I've been dealing with a flare of my LUPUS and have welcomed the opportunity to rest and care of my body. A blessing in disguise really as the children spent all day in the pool while I sat in the hot tub until I was pruney. Truly lovely.

The job wasn't a fit and I knew that. I had bought into the belief that this economy means I had to take whatever I could get and be happy about it. Ironic that my most recent post was drivel about going back to school.

So what is my action plan to pursue what I want to accomplish? I don't know what I want to accomplish anymore. How's that for an answer?

I'd like a goal. I think that would be a good starting place.

What do you wish to accomplish?

I would like to find a new career path. After over 25 years on the same path, it's time for a drastic change. I'm just not sure what that change is yet. I'm open to suggestions. Let me know what you think.

Back to School....Huh? What?

2010-03-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Life is becoming a distinct pattern. It’s something I’ve longed for often. I know that I run the risk of being bored, but after the last few years, I’ve found that boring has a lovely ring to it.

I am looking forward to this weekend. I’m in the midst of a flare and my joints are bothering me so much that when my cat walked across my leg in bed this morning, I let out a yelp. Scared the poor girl to death.

So amidst this restful weekend, what do I plan to think about…..I think I should go back to school. I think I want a new career and I’d like it to be in the field of Psychology. Goodness knows, I’ve used my Psychology degree for years, amazing how dysfunctional business is.

Anyhoo, throw in my history with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and there you have it. A counseling practice in the making.

I blame the lady in the office down the hall. She owns a therapy practice two suites over and we often meet in the bathroom which invariably leads to chatting. Aren’t bathroom ad hoc meetings the best (she says with a snicker).

This therapist seems to think I would be a good therapist. She joked with me that she would hire me right out of school. I don’t know if that’s true, but it made me feel good and it certainly got me thinking.

I believe that I’ll do a bit of research. I’ve done quite a bit of work on my master’s in business organization, but I can never seem to get it done. I’m finally willing to ponder that perhaps I’m on the wrong path now and it’s time to make a change. Where my career was once very clear and fun and fulfilling, perhaps I’ve taken it as far as I can.

What do you think?

As an update…..I’m suppose to go to dinner on Saturday with the gentleman who asked for my number last weekend. I assumed he was going to call and finalize. I’ve heard nothing. (I share that because a couple of you have asked). I have a lovely weekend planned and pondering to do so I’m good with it.

I have no idea what this picture has to do with anything in this post. It just makes me snicker. Enjoy!

BLISSfully Alone

2010-03-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

Coming out of a narcissistic relationship is exhausting. If you haven’t been there, may I recommend that you never go “there”.

Once you are out of the fog created by these relationships, it becomes apparent that it is really hard to actually connect with people. Distance has a level of safety about it.

After the initial trauma of the discard, I did really well to go to work and look after my children. It was all I could do as I tried to find the person I once was. I never made eye contact with anyone less they destroy me further. The brutal manipulation that these types of relationships foist upon people leads to a painful recovery indeed.

The recovery is difficult because one must ponder secrets left by our family of origin to find out the how’s and why’s that lead us to be open to abuse in the first place.

When I finally lifted my head and took a deep breath, I decided that I would begin to reach out, smile at strangers, and begin conversations. I literally had to force myself to be friendly.

I don’t think that being alone is a bad thing. Everywhere I go now, the Universe and I believe God, opens doors. I’ve met the most interesting people just by being willing to listen to their stories.

I am going to post these encounters as a reminder that there is life after narcissistic abuse and that good people can be found any place if we are willing to be open.

You can find these adventures at BLISSfully Alone, because you can never have too many blogs....cough...cough....

Bwahahahaha!

2010-03-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

Conversation overheard on the train this morning....

HIM: You'd be the perfect woman if you were younger and thinner.

HER: You'd be the perfect man if you were dead.

My resident nasty person who leaves me comments that never get posted has taken to telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for being such a loose woman and that she prays for my children constantly.

She emailed, at one point, that anyone who googles me will know what a horrible woman I am. I have googled myself several times. Nothing that wasn't work related and for the most part stuff I'm proud of....ok and this blog.

Well today I accidentally googled "bombshellbliss" as one word. There is a live porno webcam site called "bombshellbliss"......ahem.

Here ye, here ye.....I have given birth to five children, two of which are TWINS. Trust me. I don't even want to see myself naked.

Nuff said!

Oh No, That Did Not Just Happen

2010-03-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

1. I leave for work.

2. Kids over sleep.

3. I call ex several times over a two hour period – Rings then to Voicemail

4. Daughter calls ex several times – Rings then to Voicemail.

5. I call ex two more times – Straight to Voicemail.

6. Call college son at 10 am – “Hey is your dad home”.

7. Son gets dad on phone – “Kids overslept, since you are off today, can you please drive the 15 minutes to take them to school? Would you please call daughter and coordinate it?”

8. Answer, “Well I have things to do and I wasn’t planning on doing them any time soon”.

9. I call daughter, “Your dad is going to be calling, please get everyone ready to go”.

10. Few minutes later…..Daughter calls. Dad gave them all the day off.

Once again…..thank you for reminding me why we are divorced….AGAIN.

Note to self: pick up another alarm clock so that all the children have one.

I AM

2010-03-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

Twenty years ago when I studied Psychology in college, my plan was to study the causes of Autism. Life took a different path. Still, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be my own biggest client.

Several years ago when I went hunting for why and what exactly had happened to me and what lead to the destruction of a college educated, mature woman , I came upon a wonderful website about narcissistic abuse recovery. You can find them HERE.

Finding the website was better than therapy, mostly because no one knows what it is like until you have gone through it and finding out that you have all been treated in the same appalling way brings a sense of "it wasn't me". A huge breakthrough in recovery from these relationships.

Since then, I have become real life friends with several of the folks who hang out there. Victims of people with NPD come from all walks of life. Some are educated, some are not. Some are parents, some are not. Some get over the manipulation quickly, some take years. Still, all are people of value.

I met my friend Kyra on that site. She is a beautiful woman who, like all of us, didn't deserve what happened to her. She wrote this poem. It is truly an anthem to all who are moving toward narcissistic abuse recovery.

I share her poem with her permission....

As I am I will not fall under

the expectations and judgements of others

I am simply myself

If I should falter a step

then the words of others do not phase me

It is what I believe about myself

that is constant

and the only thing that matters

I allow myself mistakes

as I allow myself the growth in making them

it matters not who judges

for shame on them

to tarnish me

without knowing who they are judging

I will not justify myself

to rigid mindsets

I will not be scapegoat

to others projective identification

I am me

not an idea or judgement of what a person thinks

I should be

or am

Those who love me,

Take me as I am

or not at all.

Peek into the Past

2010-03-21T10:29:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I was involved in a narcissistic relationship that nearly destroyed me. It came after other narcissistic relationships.

At one point, I was suicidal. That is really hard to type.

I've spent three years, turning myself inside out so that I could live a healthy life. Bombshell BLISS is the result of that healing.

I've gotten emails asking about my narcissistic relationship and how it impacted me. Rather than rehash all that here, I'm opening my old blog and tying it to this one even though I don't ever post there.

Right now the only purpose it holds is a way for his new victims to contact me so that I can share with them that there is hope.

Life is good now. I've looked at my family of origin issues ad nauseum. I've looked at the reasons why someone like him could find ways into my life. I've looked at me. The result.... I now know that it wasn't me. It never was and even though I had issues that needed to be dealt with, he had no right no exploit them through manipulation for his own gain. Most victims of this type of person walk away being told it was them, all their fault, and something that is their problem. Getting to the place I'm at is quite a victory.

All that to say. Feel free to visit that blog or not. Just know that if you have been in this type of relationship, it wasn't you.

http://www.jeanettesjourney.blogspot.com/

Heath Care Reform

2010-03-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've watched and listened. Here's a couple of thoughts that I have....

** This bill seems like insurance reform not health care reform.

** As someone who is working her butt off to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, adding to my bills by forcing me to buy insurance just feels wrong.

** When I work, I generally have health insurance, at the moment being an exception. A healthy economy, a strong work force, creates more insurance. So my question is, why not concentrate on the economy and jobs?

** Why do the Dems keep talking about how the American people want this when everyone I've talked to says no? Talking to people on the bus and trains, in cafes, at the grocery store, I can't find anyone who thinks this is a good idea.

** Why do the Reps think that the Dems are the only ones that will pay the price for this forced situation? Personally, I will not be voting for an incumbent at all.

** I agree that our healthcare system needs an overhaul. I'm just not sure that a group of people who make more money than I ever will and who get FREE healthcare are the best people to reform mine. If you don't suffer, I don't think you get it. Just sayn'

So people, I'm interested in hearing what you think. I'd especially love the thoughts of the non-Americans. I just think this is going to be a fubar.

The Scheme of My BLISS

2010-03-19T15:14:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, way back when my oldest was just a little kid (he's 24 now), my aunt and I went shopping. We were going through a hand-me-down store looking at stuff.

She asked me if I'd seen anything I liked. I told her that I didn't have a decorating scheme and was completely broken in that area. I mentioned that I wanted my home to look put together and welcoming, a comfortable hiding place, but that I hadn't decided what look I was going for yet or even if I was capable of figuring it out.

She said something that has stuck with me all these years.

Only buy things that make you say "wow, I love this", then everything will match and no matter where you look in your home, you will have a moment of joy when you see everything in that spot.

I've lived by that rule for a long time. Sometimes I bought something that, once I got home, made me wonder just what I was thinking. Sometimes, I brought home something that I just knew I would love forever.

And just a year ago, I found this sign that made me say, "Wow, I love that"!

I love a good welcome home....

My family is the most important thing to me. Hence, I can't have enough pictures up on the wall. I used to hang them all straight. It is so hard to keep them level, so I escued the letters to "family" to match the ever changing direction of the pictures. It works and better shows that our family just doesn't hang straight. Still at least once a week, I attempt to hang the darn things straight....and I'm excited about adding my grand baby's pictures to the wall.

I love all things that fly; angels, faeries, birds, you name it. Whenever we have an adventure day, we buy something to hang from the ceiling in the kitchen as a reminder of good memories. Each item hanging here has a wonderful day attached to it.

This is my postcard wall. Some I've collected on my travels. Some have been sent to me. The center is made up of pictures of my children. It's a constant reminder that no matter where I go, my home is always the heart of it.

Every New Year's Eve, we have a tradition where we cut out pictures and sayings in magazines. This is my 2010 Dream Board. It hangs in front of my desk as a reminder to move forward toward my goals.

This is my nightstand. Yes. That's a tiara on the lamp. Once upon a time, a friend told me that every woman deserves a tiara and should be treated as a queen. I went right out and bought myself one. The bottle of wine was a fun purchase whose label just spoke to me. Ok, perhaps it was during a tough time or maybe it's because I look like the label, whateva'.

I'm redoing my bedroom in a Fareast kind of way. This is just more stuff that I fell in love with somewhere along the line. Ok, the pink bunny was a gift from my son, but I love it!

And I'm a firm believer that every home is a better place with fur in it. Obviously by the look I'm getting I didn't make an appointment to take this picture. Still, I love her too.

Wow What a Revelation!

2010-03-19T14:06:00.000-07:00

It's a day off here. I asked for a couple of hours and he gave me the whole day. What a boss!

This morning was a lazy start, a giggle with the children as they went to school, a cuddle with the cats. You get the drill. Perfection.

After my uninterrupted shower, I began cleaning the house, putting dinner in the crock pot, putzing as they say.

A song came on. A song that had once been one of "our" songs. I don't talk about him much here. I don't talk about him much anymore all. His memories live at another blog that sustained me through my healing. My children call him, "Him Who Shall Not Be Named".

Now this song, this normal turn of events once would have become a trigger of biblical proportions where I would run to change the channel, begin to cry and generally spend the rest of the day in a depressed heap cuddled someplace.

It didn't happen this time. I looked around my home. I. LOVE. MY. HOME. It is filled with things that I love. I only buy things that make me say, "I love this" and for that reason, any place you look in my house are things that lift my spirit.

As the song came on, there I was looking around my house and I smiled a real “from the heart” smile.

I am at peace. It has taken almost three years, but I am finally at peace.

Today, as I was running pesky errands, I took myself out to lunch. I went to a little Mexican restaurant that I used to love. I haven’t been there in ages because he got custody of that place…him and his myriad of other women.

The server didn’t know, but she sat me at the same table. The same table we always sat at, the table where he first told me that he loved me, the table where he brought up being together the rest of our lives. It should have been a pivotal moment. A trigger. I sat down and smiled, pulled out my book and began to read. It was just as yummy as I remember.

On my way home, I was waiting for the bus. A man was waiting there too, on his way to work.

He began a conversation with me. We chatted a long time waiting for that bus. We continued the conversation as we boarded. It was fun and he was interesting. He asked me if I had been to a certain Italian restaurant because he had always wanted to try it.

I said no and wasn’t even sure if I knew where it was.

He told me there was nothing better than good conversation and dinner with a woman and asked me if I’d like to go with him sometimes. Then, in front of all the other riders, he asked for my phone number.

I smiled. I think life has gone on….and I am truly, BLISSfully content about it.

Flash Mob Friday!

2010-03-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

I love me a gooooood flash mob....or splash mob. LOL

Yes 2 1/2 Hours

2010-03-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

In one of my last posts, I shared that I commute 2 1/2 hours one way. While it might seem like an unreasonable distance to travel, it really doesn't FEEL that long.

The first forty minutes is spent walking to the bus, waiting and then riding the bus to the transit station. The same folks ride my bus every day. Several of us chat and have actually become friends.

Our transit station is a huge complex where three different bus systems converge with the train system. It's big and busy.

While at the station, I pick up some orange juice and an energy bar or something for breakfast. Then, my sweet ride greets me....

It's clean and comfortable. There are bathrooms and tables to relax. It's truly a lovely ride.

Yes, we really ride that close to the water. In fact, if you are on the upper deck and look down, you can see straight into the water. I get to see bald eagles feeding and sea lions sunning themselves. In the later Spring, sometimes Orcas can be seen.

After quick stops to pick up the ferry commuters at two different stops, I head into Seattle.

After I get to Seattle, I have a two block walk and a twenty minute bus ride through downtown and then a four block walk to my office. By the time I get there, I feel relaxed and like I've been on a mini-vacation. Delightful!

BLISS - Greek

2010-03-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard, I'm back to working again. I took a huge paycut from my last position to be able to get my foot in the door in the hopes that between now and the end of the year what they have planned is actually going to happen.

Since I was unemployed for six months, I guess I just figured I'd do whatever I had to do to get back to work. It's like investing in the hopes for a payoff. Time will tell.

Since I commute one way 2 1/2 hours for a total of five hours a day now, I have tons of time to think and ponder which has brought me back to BLISS again. Pondering what I've learned from my studies, wondering what I am still meant to learn.

I think BLISS for me is a state of being. The past six months has been anything but BLISSful. Which makes me wonder and wander.....

I love Greece. It is one country that I have wanted to visit since I studied about it in sixth grade. It is also one of the few countries that has eluded me in my travels.

Their word for BLISS is

ΛΕΞΙΚΟ ΣΤΑΥΡΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ

It's pronounced "evdhemonia". Although I'm not sure how to pronounce it.

It means "A contented state of being happy and healthy and prosperous as in after a troubled time".

My life is a contented one. Even during this really difficult time, by the grace of God, my children had everything they needed and most of what they wanted. Even in the midst of everything imaginably rough, we were blessed with a new home that I can afford and we all love.

My heart, while still worried about the future, is a happy heart.

While our lives are not prosperous by most standards, we have more than most people in the world.

I believe that I am entering a phase where the Greek word for BLISS is one that I want to claim as a part of my life. This is a BLISS that I can anticipate and enjoy at just a time as this. Will my new job be everything that I need? I don't know yet, but as I wait to see, I live in ΛΕΞΙΚΟ ΣΤΑΥΡΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ.

Go See "Boom, Mom's Gonna Burst"

2010-03-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

My health tanked in February and now that the boat has righted itself, I'm ready to start focusing on my health again. I've always had a weightloss blog, I just haven't really done the weightloss thing. It's time though. Here's the blog where that struggle resides. Being blog addicted, you KNOW I had to have another right?

Adventures in Dating - Mr. Rich Thief

2010-03-13T11:32:00.000-08:00

Well if you missed last year’s birthday adventure, I’m linking it here.

Now that you’re back, let’s discuss this year’s birthday adventure, shall we?

I’d actually already been out with this person once already. We went to coffee. He claimed that he owned a couple of businesses.

There were some red flags such as the fact that he was calling me several times a day and already calling me babe. He made a huge deal about how I needed to be ok with being treated like a lady, opened doors and such. Anyway, it was my birthday and I chalked it up to nervousness.

So it was our second date. I didn’t tell him it was my birthday because I just wanted him to be himself.

He picked me up a half an hour EARLY. Gentlemen, please note….DO NOT DO THAT.

He opened the car door for me and as I got in…..He kissed me and said, “Gotta pay the driver somehow”. I cannot even begin to tell you how appalling I found that to be.

We had previously discussed dinner and a movie. As we were driving out of the driveway, I said, “So where are we going”. He said, “I’m kidnapping you, you don’t get to know”.

Ok, I’d reached my limit. I said very sternly, “You can tell me right now where you are taking me or I’ll be getting out of the car at the corner”.

He apologized and told me we were going for Mexican. Hello? The restaurant was the worst in town, also known as the cheapest. Then he mentioned the movie he had picked. It was a chick flick. It made me laugh. I don’t even do chick flicks.

As we walked into the restaurant, I reached for the door. He loudly barked, “Uh-uh have you forgotten that you are the woman and I’m supposed to open the door”. People stared.

As we waited for the table, he draped his arm over me. Then he started….wait for it….he started….wait….he started to pinch my roll of waist fat. Yes, HE PLAYED WITH MY ROLL OF FAT while we waited for our table.

Now I know that I tend to give the benefit of the doubt way too much. I realize that it gets me into trouble more times than not. Here I was on this date wondering if I could hang out in the bathroom and exactly how long it would take for the taxi to get there.

Our first date, we had talked business, marketing, sales. He was so NORMAL. Quite enjoyable. How does someone go so bad on just the second date.

And then it happened……I kicked into….”this is better than a sitcom” mode and decided I’d see just how weird this guy could get.

During dinner, he told me about one of his factories and how he had moved the operation to Mexico because Mexicans are cheaper. Apparently he saved a boatload of money there.

He told me about his divorce to his wife of 30 years. Apparently he dragged it out per his attorney’s request so that he could hide his assets and cost her as much in attorney’s fees as possible.

He told me how his last girlfriend was 22 (he’s 59) and how she had been really easy to manipulate.

I think I finished my dinner in 10 minutes. At the end of dinner, he said, “How do you feel about dining and dashing”….he was serious. I replied, “Do I need to pay for dinner?” He just stared at me for a huge pregnant moment and then said, “No, I guess I can pay for it”.

As we got to the movie, I really began to think about how I might have been in some kind of reality show where they were secretly filming me. It could happen.

He began to dig in the backseat of his truck. He pulled out two used…yes USED….soft drink cups. As in, they had the previous soda still stuck in the bottom and mine had lipstick on it.

As he handed me “mine”, he said, “They give free refills at this movie theater, but you’ll have to hide the cup in your coat as we go in”. OH. MY. GAWD.

I handed it back to him and told him if I wanted a drink I’d be happy to buy it myself. His response, “Ok, but I’m not paying for it”.

Before the movie started, I’d lost my ability to talk to this person. How does someone go from nicely dressed, accomplished business man to gross, cheap icky person in two dates? We sat in dead silence. Watched the movie and he drove me home.

At the door, he asked if I’d like to have him in….aw, no. Then he asked if I would like to kiss him….aw, no. In fact, I got pithy at that point and said, “You already stole your first kiss, good night”!

I went in, took my shoes and clothes off, put on sweats, cuddled up the cats, watched a movie and ate carrot cake. Honestly, it was the best part of the evening.

Oh, I also googled Mr. Rich Thief. He apparently has made the news several times with businesses going under where he stiffed his employees for months of wages, was being sued by the state for taxes, and had moved businesses out of the country to avoid legal action. Oh, and Mrs. Ex-Rich Thief….she committed suicide two years ago…..right after the divorce.

What have I learned….googled BEFORE the date.

Each bad date teaches me what I don’t want which clarifies what I do want. I’ve always wanted a man who gets empathy, but now I also want a man who is generous.

Still…being the crazy woman down the street with cats just seems like a more appealing future for me….I shall wear purple. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Yeah, About That

2010-03-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

So I’ve been MIA for more than a month.

Part of it was that I had to hock my computer for a bit. Unemployment sucks.

Part of it was because I was hospitalized for a bit and offline. LUPUS sucks.

Part of it was when I could type, I spent that time on Facebook.

Part of it was the almost constant pain I was having in my joints. Couldn’t get it under control and the only pain relief was sitting in the hot tub. Pruney fingers suck.

Part of it was depression. Unemployment for over six months really sucks.

Now for the good stuff……

We have a baby on the way. My son and his wife have been trying for two years. She is about seven weeks along and they are both ecstatic. Ah heck, we all are. My son is positive it will be a girl. Stand by on that one.

I have a job. I started two days after I got out of the hospital. While I took a 64% pay cut to get it, at least I’m working.

My unemployment ran out one week after I took the job. I had applied for an extension, but never heard anything. When I called, I got the “wait for your letter”. It never came and those pesky children kept demanding to eat.

So all that to say, I now make LESS than what I made on unemployment. Still don’t have medical insurance either.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful because I do get up every morning thankful. I just hope I’m moving in the right direction.

This company is Australian. By that I mean, I’m the only US citizen. I was talking with the CEO and asking him why they are doing business here. Part of it is because their main business is in Alaska, but then he added, it’s just cheaper to work here. Which made me wonder if we were now becoming the country that other countries exported their business to at some point. Made me sad.

Since I’m around and online and have much pondering to do, I’m probably going to be posting a lot in the next few weeks. I’ve got things to say!

To those of you who hung out and kept me company on Facebook, you are fab! To those of you who sent emails, I love you all. To those of you who wondered where the heck I went….ahem….sorry. And to those of you who sent pithy comments and then stopped following….whateva’.

Look out folks. I’m back and snarky as ever!

T-Mobile...Again

2010-02-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I got my full refund today. It took thee weeks and multiple phone calls totalling almost five hours.

I also got my February bill today, due next week. Ahem.

Regardless, I'm calling it a win.

Adventures in Dating - Mr. Man-Child

2010-02-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

It's time for another addition of Adventures in Dating.......

I suppose that I should lay off the dating because life is just crummy right now and the fact that I really don't feel that I have anything to offer anyone keeps rearing it's ugly head, but...well...I just can't help myself.

About three weeks ago, I was approached online by a gentleman who seemed to be "nice". His picture was attractive, although it was taken in a bar. I'm not sure what to make of that.

Anyhoo, he had a nice smile so we emailed a couple of times and then he wanted to move to the phone. Three nights in a row he called me and we chatted.

Maybe it's just me but it felt like too much especially when we hadn't even met in person yet. Still, I'm one of those women who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.

I can't remember what exactly he said, but it was droning on about how he needed a good woman if he could just find one....blah, blah, blah.

I blurted out, "So any woman will do then".

He said, "No, just one, she doesn't even need to be pretty". Ahem.

Now I was already losing interest in him at that point because he had let it slip that he was renting a room in a house because he couldn't afford an apartment.

He was 52, his children were grown, he was divorced and he couldn't even provide a home for himself? I'm not sure why that was a problem for me, but I'm not looking for a man-child and he sounded like one.

He went on to explain that he wasn't looking for a wife and doubted he'd ever get married again. Stated that he had given everything to his wife and she divorced him so now he was looking for a woman who could meet his needs.

I remember thinking, "NEXT". He made the comment that the phone works both ways and I said I'd call when I could.

I didn't.

Don't judge me, men have been doing that for years.

So I get an email this morning.......

Hi,I just want to say I wish you well in the future. I had a heart attack last week and I am lucky to still be here.I am out of the hosp and ok.but it was close.Have a good life.Mike

My first reaction was a very female one. I felt guilt. I felt like a horrible person for blowing him off. I felt like I should pick up the phone right now and call and be nurturing. And then I felt the reality of "give me a break".

I am so done owning the debris field of a man's life. I want someone who shares my life and makes my life better as I strive to make his better. I refuse to own his need for a woman when I'm pretty darn sure he wouldn't own anything for me, heck he can't even rent an apartment.

I'm calling this growth. I'm calling this a new feeling of self-worth.

NEXT!

Staying in the Moment

2010-02-01T23:54:00.000-08:00

One of my most important philosophies in my life is that I live in the moment. I want to live an authentic life. This thought process has been tested so many times.

Still, it is who I am and I believe that blessings and ultimately bliss will not be something that I recognize on a consistent basis until I do.

This afternoon, my second son, an adult, showed up unexpectedly. I almost didn't open the door because I wasn't expecting anyone. I thought, "Geesch this can't be good".

When I saw him, it made me so happy. He is such a fun person.

We watched a movie together and chatted away.

When the other children got home, he played games with them including chess. He always beats his brothers but he does it in a way that doesn't discourage them in the least. On the contrary, they are encouraged to practice and try harder.

We had a roast for dinner and he offered to get milk because he saw that we were out.

This evening I chatted away with my daughter as I sat with one of the cats and worked on my needle work. I could hear all the boys down the hall laughing and carrying on in boy fashion.

It was delightful. Yes the week is tenuous, but I stayed in the moment and found an evening of BLISS. I can't even express how wonderdul it felt.

Be Still

2010-02-01T05:21:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who often says, "When you don't know what to do, just be still".

This week should be quite tenuous. I haven't bought groceries in two weeks. Thank you T-Mobile.

At the moment, rent is due and I don't have it all.

I've also spoken to the Ex about making sure that I get child support regularly. Yeah, he told me he needs to look after himself. Pretty much a picture of my entire 15 year marriage.

So what's the plan? I don't know.

On Friday, I should be getting my income tax refund which will save me from tapping into my retirement for another month I suppose. I'm not sure if it will come as last year's refund was taken for my Ex's tax debt from when we were married.

It's going to be a tenuous week to put it mildly.

I'm going to look into assistance again. I hate the idea of needing it.

I want to hear the laughter of my children. They shouldn't have to worry. Can I hide my fear and worries? Yes.

To those of you who have offered help, thank you but no. There is just something wrong about that.

What you can do is pray, for a job, for a miracle. I'd appreciate that so much.

A tenuous week, I think I'll just be still.

Delightful BLISS

2010-01-29T18:55:00.000-08:00

No school today.

Jammies only.

Four hours of CSI.

Cuddled up.

Needlework.

Purring cats.

Spaghetti dinner.

Boardgames.

Laughing children.

A deep sigh.

BLISS

More Drivel

2010-01-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

I'm typing this on my "crackberry" so I'll apoligize upfront for spelling errors and such.

Anyhoo, talked to T-Mobile today. If you missed that post, it's down a few.

My refund was going to take 3 to 6 business days. Tomorrow is day six so I gave them a call.

An hour later I had spoken to two more of their customer service reps and another supervisor....and I was in tears.

Apparently, the supervisor from last week states on my records that she was going to email the "refund department", but it doesn't show that she submitted the appropriate form.

I had the supervisor today do it while I was on the phone. She didn't like the fact that I didn't trust her.

When I was talking to the first CS rep, I couldn't understand her very well and politely asked for someone whose first language was English. I've never done that before, but felt like I wasn't getting anywhere.

She stated that they have no one there whose first language is English.

When I got on the phone with the Super, I asked to speak to an American.

I was told that they have no Americans there. I also asked what country they were located in. She refused to tell me.

Perhaps it is because I'm unemployed, but this has really rubbed me the wrong way. I don't really know what else to say. I guess I'll let you know if my refund comes next week.

Blah Blah Yada Yada Drivel

2010-01-27T14:04:00.000-08:00

I can't remember the last time I watched a state of the union address in its entirety. Quite frankly, I've been too busy working and raising children to check and see if the system was working.

Being unemployed has made me really want to watch tonight to see if our Prez will be pulling some kind of miracle rabbit out of a 7 trillion dollar hat.

I suppose that it doesn't help my attitude that I got a call from the ex today stating that he was giving me the heads up the child support will soon be non-existent. Yeah well it hasn't been coming consistently since I let it slip that I actually needed it to live on. Passive aggressive much?

I also did my taxes already. Who knew that unemployment is taxed at such a high rate? I paid a higher rate in taxes this year than I have in the last ten years. Think I'll get a thank you note from those banks that were bailed out?

So Mr. President, I'll be watching with bated breath. Until then, you can find me in bed with the covers over my head.

Job Hunting....Again

2010-01-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Employer #1,

When you dangle a carrot like working from home making almost as much as I used to make working away from home.....

It's just wrong to inform me in the second interview that the position is actually half time and I would be making half of what I was making before.

And when I ask you, when will the position go full time and you respond, "Not in the foreseeable future"......well, honestly....does this hiring practice actually work for you?

Let me get this straight....you want me to commute almost three hours each way at least one day a week for a job that I will be working for four hours on that particular day....and this benefits my family how?

No thank you....and good luck with that one!

Dear Employer #2,

You canceled and moved the phone interview three times for your convenience. You stood me up for the interview once. Ok, I get that, you are busy.

Now you have moved the in-person interview twice and I'm still waiting to hear from you about the rescheduled time.

Do you really get the best candidates when you treat them as a commodity? I mean, honestly, do you really think that you are all that and I'm just sitting here eating bonbons waiting with bated breath for your call?

Excuse me while I go pet the cats and hug a kid because it's the only thing keeping me sane right now. And for the record, I'm actually doing pretty well. We've gotten into a pattern of living and we are enjoying the "just being together" that being unemployed brings.

Things Heard at My House

2010-01-24T17:31:00.000-08:00

FooFoo couldn’t find her cell phone. She was completely panicked. Then she saw it in her hand.
MightyMax: She takes airhead to a whole new level.

Me: I can’t believe I don’t have any more babies in the house. My babies are almost pre-teens. That’s so sad. We better be getting some grandchildren around soon or I’m going to have a major baby deficit.
FooFoo: I’ll get right on that mom.
Me: That’s not what I meant.
FooFoo: I have the only mother in the whole world who tells her 13 yo daughter to get pregnant.
Me: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.

FooFoo: We are not that funny around here.
MightyMax: Not so much. Funny things are only funny when they come naturally.
SuperSam: It’s only funny when you don’t expect it.
MightyMax: We are actually quite boring every day.
Me: Laughing my butt off because my children are so funny trying to convince me that they aren’t funny.
FooFoo: Mom, this isn’t funny.

FooFoo: Mom, will you cut the cantaloupe?
Me: Why can’t you do it? If you are afraid, you obviously need to practice.
FooFoo: I don’t need to practice, I’m going to have a husband.
Me: Wow. You are in for a rude awakening. You may never have cantaloupe again.

Max burped the biggest burp ever.
Me: No way, that was nasty.
MightyMax: Excuuuuuuuuse Meeeeeeeee
Me: That deserved a fine.
SuperSam: That deserved an award.
Me: Boys are gross.
SuperSam: Yes we are.

T-Mobile Sucks

2010-01-22T09:59:00.000-08:00

Michael: Thank you for calling T-Mobile. Blah, Blah

Me: Hello, yes. I spent a lot of time on the phone with you folks yesterday. You see. You took a payment from my bank account on the 19th and then again on the 20th. Yesterday, I was able to stop the 19th payment from going through because my bank called me. I wanted to make sure that it didn't happen again.

I spoke to six different reps because....well....with your stellar customer service, you folks disconnected me several times.

The thing is, when I woke up this morning, low and behold, you guys took out a third payment yesterday. That would be three payments in three days for a total of over $600.

Michael: Well I hope you are pleased with he way you were treated yesterday.

Me: Well, apparently....ahem. I need that third payment back in my account as soon as possible.

Michael: I can submit for an investigation that is a three business day process and then we'll have three business days to refund the money.

Me: Six business days? Well it seems to me that's not fair. You took three payments in three days, I think you could give one back today. I want a supervisor.

A few minutes later....

Carmalita: Hi Jeanette, I see here that you have a credit for $30. We don't do refunds so we'll be happy to credit that on your next bill.

Me: Hi Carmalita. Actually I want $150 and I want it back in my bank account TODAY.

Carmalita: Why would you want that much? Oh wait, I've just been informed of the bank error.

Me: No sweety, it was a T-Mobile error and you need to fix it.

Carmalita: We have six business days to investigate and provide a refund.

Me: Well, that money is my grocery money and I need it today. I'd like your supervisor please.

Carmalita: Well she isn't here.

Me: Well what is her name and when will she be available.

Carmalita: We have several supervisors.

Me: Well then someone should be there, I'd like names, all of them, and then I'd like to speak to someone.

Carmalita: She's not available. I can understand that you are upset but there is really nothing we can do. It's not handled by our department.

Me: Customer Service can't handle customer service. What's the phone number for the department that will handle the refund?

Carmalita: I don't have a phone number for them.

Me: T-Mobile is a phone company. You're telling me that you don't have phones there.

Carmalita: We handle everything through our system so we don't need phones.

Me: So the system is....carrier pigeons?

Carmalita: There is no reason to be rude.

Me: My family may be eating Top Ramen for the next six business days, you can bet your sweet a$$ that I'm going to get rude. I want to talk to someone higher up the food chain who can make things happen and at the very least has a phone number.

Carmalita: We've told you the process its the best we can do.

Me: Ok, I don't want you people to have access to my bank account any more. You send the bill, I'll pay the bill. What do I need to do to get rid of the autopay.

Carmalita: Well I need to inform you that there will be a $4.99 charge per line should you choose to pay the bill yourself.

Me: I'm sorry, are you telling me that I'll be paying $10 a month for the priviledge of paying you?

Carmalita: It's not for the priviledge of paying. It's a fee for our managing your account.

Me: Seems to me that you guys suck at managing my account.

Carmalita: There is no reason to be rude and if you continue I will disconnect the call. Did you want to file a report to get your money back.

Me: Oh no, you just keep it. I just wanted to have a chat with the lovely ineffective customer service reps at my phone company that don't have any phones and no way to call anyone.

Carmalita: You should receive your refund directly into your bank account by February 5th. I've also removed the autopay and instituted the control charge on your phones. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Me: I'm not sure that you've done anything that has helped me at all yet. Seems to me you've just managed to increase my bill.

Carmalita: "Click"

Me: Hey kids! Top Ramen for dinner!

Birthday Baby Girl!

2010-01-21T18:52:00.001-08:00

Tonight my daughter said,

"Tomorrow is my birthday, when are you doing my birthday post?"

She can be really scary!

And we were thrilled that she got over her Jonas Brothers addiction this year.

(We spent a ton on Jonas Brothers Rehab.)

She's fun to just hang out with for root beer floats in buckets.

She's a good listener.

Her friends know that she'll be there for them during poopy times.

She's always good for a laugh.

Or Two.

She does a mean Kanye West impression.

She loves her family!

And is always willing to try something new.

She'll always be her mom's princess.

Fourteen years ago, I was supposed to be having my third little boy.

When they handed me a baby girl, I cried and blurted out,

"I don't know how to do a little girl".

My mother in law said, "Aw, don't worry, she'll teach you".

Thank you sweet Foo Foo for teaching me that girls are wonderful in every way.

Happy Birthday!!!!

Apoligies to California and the Rest of the Country

2010-01-21T12:09:00.000-08:00

Well, we are normally neck deep in rain this time of year. Not a bad thing since most people in Washington state have webbing between their toes. Yeah, it's a joke around here. You can tell the "non-natives" by how they run from their car into buildings. The rest of us just figure we'll be getting wet when we run back to the car so why bother.

Still, we've had no snow this year and now we've got the most beautiful January weather ever.

This was a picture in this morning's paper. It's the sunset from last night. I'd just like to say one thing.....

Naw Na Na Na Na. Bwahahahahaha!

A Flurry of Job Interviews

2010-01-20T16:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, so a flurry of job interviews this week. It is after the 1st of the year which is when most Executive Assistants jump ship so suddenly my chances of finding something are good.

I sent out over 20 resumes today. Made several phone calls. Had two interviews schedule.

One was the usual epic fail. The H.R. person called me twice to reschedule and asked me to call at 9 am. When I called, he asked if he could call me back at 11 am. It is now almost 4:30 pm. NOTHING.

I did email him and asked if he would like to reschedule a more convenient time for him. Ok, that was the polite way of saying, "I think if the CEO of the company knew you were treating his next assistant like you are, he wouldn't be happy". But whatever. No response at all.

The second interview was for a non-profit in downtown Seattle. Crummy commute, but I can take the train so I'm good.

During the interview she said, "A couple of people work in the office and you can too, but you are welcome to work from home because we all do".

She went on to say that there is tons of flexibility built into the schedule so that if I wanted to work in the evening or at night because of the children's schedule that would work.

Cough, cough, gag. Hello? Are you talking about offering me a job where I can work from home when I want? Heck yes, and you can have my firstborn....ok not my firstborn because I already gave him away to his wife, how about my 2nd born....no, he reads my blog.....how about my youngest....no take the girl. Heck, you can have all of them just give me the job.

Only it came out....."I've worked remotely before, I'd be happy in a position like that".

Apparently, I'd have to be in Renton once a week and in Seattle once a month, but she says they never travel during rush hours and if it looks like the meeting is going long, they all go out to dinner on the company until rush hour is over.

Then she gave me the salary. This is a non-profit so I was thinking....I can work from home, I'll make do with a low-salary. She told me the amount which was almost equal to what I made at my last job. I hope that she couldn't hear my drooling over the phone.

I have an in-person follow up interview next Tuesday.

I'm not getting my hopes up. I've found great jobs before over the last almost five months and it is horribly disappointing when things don't work out. Still, how cool is that!

Random Thoughts

2010-01-20T10:52:00.000-08:00

1. My son in Germany had emergency surgery yesterday. His wife says that they aren't managing his pain well and he's having a hard time. He is suppose to go home tomorrow. Prayers please! The kid handles pain really well so if he says he's hurting, he's really hurting.

2. I just ordered more groceries from Safeway.com to be delivered to my home tomorrow. I can't tell you what a wonderful thing this is. The fee should have been $12.95, but they sent me a code to have everything through March 1 delivered free. This is such a dream gig.

3. I want a job. I have a couple phone interviews today. Still, the woman needs to go back to work. (UPDATE: The first interview was at 11 am. It is now 12. I've been stood up by an employer. Geesch)

4. Spent the morning looking at travel destinations. The children have been so accommodating through this unemployment phase, I want to run away with them some place. Oh yeah, I. NEED. A. JOB.

And I leave you with this.

Stick it!

2010-01-19T00:32:00.000-08:00

Join the fun over at Supah Mommy.

Where's My Teddy?

2010-01-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

So I got an email today from my oldest son. He's twenty-four and wanted to know where his yellow teddy bear is.

I bought this teddy just before he was born. I used it as a focus in natural childbirth. Natural childbirth sucks, but I'll save that for another post.

He was 3 pounds 3 ounces when he was born eight weeks early. He was so small and sickly the doctors encouraged us to make funeral arrangements at one point.

On the day he was discharged from the NICU, all the nurses came in to say good-bye. He was quite the favorite. As I walked around the room, his eyes followed me. So many people cared for him and still, he knew I was his mother. I was so dazzled by him.

We almost forgot that yellow bear that had stayed by his side the entire time he was hospitalized.

A week later, he had surgery. Off we went for the emergency procedure, yellow bear in tow. I sat cuddling it as I worried about what the outcome might be.

So many times one of us grabbed that bear as we went out to deal with some kind of crisis or another. It was a constant in both our lives.

A reminder to me that I anticipated his birth with so much excitement. I wanted a little boy for longer than I was married. He was so welcome in my world.

Now, that sweet little boy is a man. Married and wanting a child of his own. I'm proud of the man he has become. I'm proud of his convictions. I'm proud of the woman he married. I'm proud that the fighter spirit this little boy once had when all hope was lost is now used to keep so many others safe.

My son did four years in the U.S. Marines. He is now a soldier in the Army. He's done two tours in Iraq, time in Afghanistan and a host of other countries around the world.

He is a good man and he wants his teddy bear. Why? Because someday, he wants to give it to his child. Who knew a $5.00 teddy bear could have such a long shelf life. It's made me smile all day just thinking about it.

Stop Fighting the Universe!

2010-01-18T00:09:00.000-08:00

Have you visited Sarah LuLu? She has a lovely blog called Normal Is A Cycle on a Washing Machine.

Anyhoo, she left me a comment last week that said, "Stop fighting the Universe ...maybe the next grand passion in your life will be the instructor!!!!"

It was in response to my blog post about the State of Washington determining that I need to go back to school to be a massage therapist. You can read it HERE if you missed it.

So she got me thinking. What if my 25+ year career is over and it's time to start something new. I have a strong belief that God and his great big Universe have more blessings for all of us than we can possibly handle.

I also have a strong belief that we sometimes preempt those blessing because we have an agenda we are so focused on we aren't able to see all the doors that are open.

Prior to Sarah LuLu's comment, I have been studying a book called "Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction". Seems to me her comment was quite the complimentary wake up call to what I'm studying these days.

This book has been making me look at my gifted skills and how they might be applied to fulfilling a passion, dream, or desire. The paradigm that I take my gifted skills and leave the "package" in which I have used them all my life is a new one for me. I am not locked into any one "package", for me that would be Executive Assisting. I need to be open to using my gifted skills packaged in a new way.

This book also speaks about what you do that compliments your gifts may not be your passion and that just because something comes easy, it may not be what you are created to do.

THAT was a wake up call.

So is the Universe trying to tell me something and is Sarah LuLu right? Am I fighting the Universe?

Quite frankly, I believe that might be the truth. I mean, nothing seems to be going well or "right" for me these days. Perhaps I have come to the end of this career.

So what might God and the Universe have for me in the future. I have no clue.

I want to be open. Open and watchful for the opportunities that might be presented. I want a joyful heart that welcomes all the blessings that are being poured out on me. I want this year to be about finding my passion and having a peaceful calm for myself and my children.

Now what?

FLASH Mob Friday....and a commercial.

2010-01-15T13:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, before we get to today's flash mob.....

How come nobody told me about this? Did you know that Safeway delivers groceries? I ordered about $80 dollars of groceries yesterday and they delivered them today. He even had a smile on, brought them into the house, and was downright pleasant. He even called me to let me know he was running about 20 minutes late. Customer service extraordinaire!

For someone without a car and is usually dragging three children to the grocery store, this experience was pure heaven.

There is a delivery fee which varies depending on the time of day you want your delivery, but it was waived because it was my first time.

I'm telling you....for someone that HATES grocery shopping, this was fabulous!

You can find them HERE.

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FLASH MOB FRIDAY.....

I know I'm late and some of you are about to start your Saturday, but this one couldn't wait.

Once again, my adorable oldest son who is currently stationed in Germany shared this with me. The kid's got a "flash mob radar".

Enjoy!

Let the Insanity Begin

2010-01-13T22:04:00.000-08:00

If you haven't connected with Supah Mommy's blog, you have really been missing out. You can find her by clicking the fancy Survivor button above.

Now she has this new game and I've got one of the 18 spots. We will be doing challenges, vblogs, and anything else that whoever is deciding deems fit. I'm not exactly sure what I've signed up for, but the smack talk has already started and the other bloggers participating are hysterically fun all the time.

I'm looking forward to tons of fun, some humiliation, and stepping out of my comfort zone. I can't wait.

Stop by Supah's and check out all the action. Watch for the future posts too. I'm sure I'll be telling you all about it!

Who the Hell Is In Charge Around Here!

2010-01-12T16:19:00.000-08:00

Hello? I've been unemployed for more than four months. Yeah, it's become a lifestyle and it sucks.

So the great State of Washington is recommending that I go back to school to "increase my marketability". (by recommending I mean they are going to cut off my unemployment if I don't do what they tell me to)

I tried to explain to the nice lady who was way too full of herself that I have no intention of going back to school and perhaps they could just GIVE me the $10,000 and I could infuse the economy and thus create a job for myself. She didn't get the point.

I also shared how a friend who has been unemployed for over a year is trying to access going back to school and she keeps getting refused. Perhaps the funds could go to her endeavors.

I further explained that I have been in the same career and doing the same job for over 25 years. I like it. This profession has been good to me and has afforded me many benefits. I. DON'T. WANT. TO. CHANGE.

She told me that they have already ascertained the course for me and that if I focus on the new skills I should be able to move back into the job market after nine months or so.

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Are you listening?

So you get one guess at what the Great State of Washington is recommending that I add to my resume of over 25 years of High-end Executive Assisting to CEO's and the like......are you ready.... here we go.....

Licensed Massage Therapist

Yeah. Would you want to work for a CEO that values how you rub him?

I'm sure it will look great next to my degree in Psychology, my degree in Accounting, and my almost, but never quite completed Masters in Organizational Development.

(Now if you are a Licensed Massage Therapist, I have paid you folks a boatload of money over the years. I value what you do totally, I just don't want to do it. Please don't send me hate comments).

(Those of you that know me in real life....stop laughing and clean up the mess....I know you just blew soda out of your nose knowing how much this is not a fit).

Yeah. This battle is not over.

Stick It Up!

2010-01-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

Click on the magic post-it and it will show you the how-to's so you can join in...

There Are Rules Children

2010-01-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

My twins love their new school. Ok, I get that! But waking me up an hour and a half before we must get up is just wrong....WRONG.

The conversation went like this....

Boys: Mom, is it time to get up yet?

Me: You are already up. Why are you up?

Boys: We don't want to be late for school.

Me: The sun isn't even up yet.

Boys: What if we miss the bus?

Me: I promise you won't miss the bus.

Boys: Maybe you should get up now so we aren't late.

Me: If I open even one eye, you guys are in way big trouble. Go back to bed.

Boys: Can we get in the shower so that we are ready?

Me: If you can be quiet.

20 minutes later

Boys: Mom, you better get up so you aren't late.

Me: I have an alarm clock. I have a whole 'nother hour till I have to get up. Go away or I'm calling you guys in as sick and you won't go to school at all.

They bolted from the room.

This morning at breakfast they were mourning the fact that it is Friday.

I don't know if I should enjoy the honeymoon or be peeved to have been awake before dawn.

Too funny. Excuse me.....I'm off to take a nap.

Flash Mob Friday

2010-01-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

This special one was a gift from my oldest son in Germany...he knows how his mom loves good flash mob.

Parent Heaven

2010-01-06T21:23:00.001-08:00

So we moved over the holidays. This is NOT something I would ever recommend or do again.

Today my children started at their new schools. Are you ready for this?

The district test scores are through the roof. I knew that already and thought it must have been a type-o when I did my research.

In the elementary school, 100% of the teachers have Masters Degrees. Teachers are fighting to work in this district. I was really interested to find out why.

This morning, I just happened to meet the School Psychologist at the elementary school.

Here is his explanation....

A couple of years ago they increased their school day by an hour and did away with homework.

The children are taught that it is their job to get everything done during the school time.

They have two fifteen minute breaks during the day in addition to the two recess times to mirror a work day.

The result....

The teachers are happier....no checking in of homework, kids design their workload management, reading for enjoyment is encouraged, they are free and encouraged to come up with creative projects (in one of my boy's classes, they have rigged a salmon "ranch" and are raising baby salmon that they will be releasing in the Spring. It goes all the way around the classroom).

The kids are happier....they own what they do, no homework, they are thriving under self-responsibility

The parents are happier....did I say....NO HOMEWORK.

The psychologist told me to practice math facts if I really felt the need to DO something in the afternoon.

We went swimming. I think I've died and gone to parent heaven.

My kids.....they can't stop talking they are so excited. I think this school district may be on to something.

I'd be interested to hear what the teachers amoungst us might think? Do share your thoughts!